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>>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY, MATTHEW,

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MAKE A WISH.

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>> OKAY.

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GOSH, THANKS SO MUCH, KELSEY,

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THIS MEANS SO MUCH TO ME,

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ESPECIALLY WITH EVERYTHING GOING

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ON IN THE WORLD, GOVERNMENT

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SHUTDOWN, AI, JUST SO MUCH

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UNCERTAINTY.

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BUT THE FACT MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE

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PUT THIS ALL TOGETHER FOR ME

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MEANS A LOT.

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>> WELL, OF COURSE.

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HEY, MATT, LOOKS LIKE SOME

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SPECIAL GUESTS JUST ARRIVED.

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>> OH, MY GOD, KELSEY, DID YOU

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FLY OUT MY BEST FRIENDS?

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>> OH, NO, I FLEW OUT MY BEST

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FRIENDS.

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>> HEY.

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FOR THOSE OF YOU HAVE HAVEN'T

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MET, I'M KELSEY'S BESTIE.

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WE WENT TO NURSING SCHOOL

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TOGETHER BUT I DIDN'T GRADUATE.

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I GOT MY BFF DEGREE BECAUSE I

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MET KELSEY'S BESTIES, AKA THE

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KELSQUAD.

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>> OH, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY BUT YOUR

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FRIENDS ARE GIVING A SPEECH.

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SO GOOD.

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>> LAST MONTH, KELSEY ASKED YOU

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TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER TO FIND

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THE MOST MAGICAL BIRTHDAY

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PRESENT FOR MATTHEW.

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>> THEY SAY DISNEY'S THE MOST

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MAGICAL PLACE ON EARTH.

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>> BUT WE'RE BANNED FROM THERE,

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SO WE WENT TO NASHVILLE.

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**

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* OUR KELSEY CALLED US BECAUSE

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SHE WANTED TO *

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* FIND A REALLY GOOD GIFT FOR

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MATTHEW *

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* WE WERE AVAILABLE BECAUSE WE

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LOVE HER *

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* AND BECAUSE WE WANTED THE

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DELTA POINTS *

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>> WOW, YOU LADIES SURE LOVE

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TRAVELING TOGETHER.

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WHY ARE YOUR SCHEDULES SO OPEN?

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* AND KELSEY SET ONE BOUNDARY

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SHE SAID THIS TRIP *

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* WAS MEANT TO BE JUST ABOUT A

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GIFT FOR MATT *

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* MATT AND NOT NOT ABOUT ABOUT

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SEEING THE ONE *

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* GUY SHE WAS THINKING OF *

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>> WHO WERE YOU THINKING OF?

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>> YOU, DUMMY.

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BUT I NEEDED TO FOCUS ON GETTING

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YOU AN AWESOME GIFT.

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>> BUT I OPENED MY GIFT ALREADY.

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YOU GOT ME A HOODIE FROM HUDSON

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NEWS.

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* WHILE WE WENT OUT KELS SAT

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ALONE IN THE HOTEL *

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* AND SAID I DON'T REALLY FEEL

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WELL *

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* I NEED TO BE ALONE WHEN WE GOT

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HOME *

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* WE PULLED BACK ALL OF THE

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COVERS *

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* AND WE SAW THAT THERE WAS JUST

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A PUNCH OF PILLOWS *

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* WE CHECKED IN WITH THE FRONT

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DESK THEY SAID SHE LEFT *

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* IN A BIKINI ABOUT FOUR HOURS

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AGO *

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* SHE WAS HOLDING TWO GRAND IN

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CASH AND SHE *

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* ONLY CHOSE TO BRING HER BURNER

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PHONE *

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* ONE NIGHT WITH DOMINGO *

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>> OKAY, SO DOMINGO WAS IN

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NASHVILLE?

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>> YOU COULD HAVE COME ON THE

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TRIP, BABE.

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>> NO I COULDN'T, I WAS IN

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ALBANY ATTENDING A SELF-WORTH

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SEMINAR.

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>> OUR NASHVILLE TRIP WAS MAGIC.

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LIKE DID SOMEONE SAY

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ABRACADABRA?

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>> NO, NO ONE DID.

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>> BABE, I PROMISE, THIS NEXT

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SONG WILL NOT BE ABOUT DOMINGO.

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* D-O-M-I-N-G-O DOMINGO *

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* D-O-M-I-N-G-O DOMINGO *

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* THERE'S A MAN WITH A GOATEE

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AND A GOLD CHAIN *

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* AT THE BAR KELSEY TELLS HIM I

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GOT A BRAZILIAN *

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* IN THE HOPES THAT YOU'D BE

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HAR *

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>> YOU GOT A BRAZILIAN WAX FOR

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DOMINGO?

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* WE WENT TO THE GRAND OLE OPRY

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DOMINGO PLAYED GUITAR *

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* KELSEY HAD TEARS IN HER EYES

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SAID AS A LOVER *

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* MATT'S SUBPAR *

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* D-O-M-I-N-G-O DOMINGO *

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>> YES, OKAY FINE.

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I SAW HIM IN NASHVILLE.

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BUT BABE, I PROMISE, DOMINGO IS

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IN THE PAST.

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>> KELSEY, I'M HERE.

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>> DOMINGO!

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>> HEY MAN, CAME ALL THIS WAY.

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NO, JUST KIDDING, I LIVE VERY

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CLOSE BY.

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KELSEY, THE NIGHT WE SPENT

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TOGETHER IN NASHVILLE WAS

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ANYTHING BUT ORDINARY.

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* I KNOW THAT YOU TOOK A VOW BUT

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I AM SO WELL-ENDOWED *

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* KELSEY WE GOT A NOISE

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COMPLAINT WE SHOOK THE WHOLE

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HOTEL *

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* A NOISE COMPLAINT I COME IN

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AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE *

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* BECAUSE I RESPECT THAT YOU ARE

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A WIFE *

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>> FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS NOT IN

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ANY OF YOUR

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VOCAL RANGES.

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ALSO WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE

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2,000 IN CASH?

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>> I GOT A VERY EXPENSIVE

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BRAZILIAN AS WELL.

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MUSICA MAESTRO!

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* NASHVILLE WAS SUCH A PRIDE AND

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I'M THE BULL *

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* SHE LIKES TO RIDE *

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* KELSEY WE GOT A NOISE

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COMPLAINT *

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* WE SHOOK THE WHOLE HOTEL A

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NOISE COMPLAINT *

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* I MAY BE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

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BUT I RESPECT *

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* THAT YOU ARE A WIFE *

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>> KELSEY, I'M SERIOUS, THIS IS

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STRIKE SIX.

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>> HEY, BABE, IT WON'T HAPPEN

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AGAIN.

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LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

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SATURDAY NIGHT!

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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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**

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>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

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NIGHT LIVE" WITH --

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HOST AND MUSICAL GUEST SABRINA

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CARPENTER.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Sabrina Carpenter.

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Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you very much.

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I'm so excited to be here
hosting Saturday Night Live.

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Last time

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I was here
for the 50th anniversary, where

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I got to sing with Paul Simon.

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And since then, my new album,
Man's Best Friend came out,

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which I'm so excited about.

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But, some people got a little,
like, freaked out by the cover.

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I'm not sure why
it was just this.

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Me on all fours of an unseen
figure pulling my hair.

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But what people don't realize is

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that's just how they cropped it.

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If you zoom out, it's
clearly a picture

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from the 50th anniversary
special of Bowen helping me up

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by the hair.

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After Martin Short
shoved me out of the buffet line

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saying something

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like daddy need his mini quiche.

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Now, since I'm here,
I want to clear up

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some misconceptions
people have about me.

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Everyone thinks of me

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as just like horndog pop star,
but there's really so much

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more to me.

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I'm not just horny.

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I'm also turned on
and I'm sexually charged

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and I love to read.

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My favorite
book is The Encyclopedia.

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It's so big and it's hard and.

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Wait, seriously? Okay. Sorry.

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There is a real person
underneath

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all the sparkles and the wigs,
in the corset.

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And another thing
you might not know about me

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is that I love to interact

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with the audience
during my shows,

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so I'd like to do that
right now.

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Hi, sir.

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What's your name?
My name is Will

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Will, what a sexy, unusual name.

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Will,

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where are you from?

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I'm from Maryland.

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Maryland.

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Ooh, what a sexy, unusual place.

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See, I love talking
to normal people.

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They're so fascinating
when they're real.

213
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,244
Like you, sir. Hi.

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00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,979
What do you do for work?

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00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,180
Venture capital.

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00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:18,752
Awesome.

217
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,553
But honestly,
I can have chemistry

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00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:24,557
with anything like this guy.

219
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,226
Actually, I can't with you.

220
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You do look like my brother.

221
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,999
Okay, I'm
just going to go back up here.

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00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:35,468
The last one thing I like to do
at my concerts is arrest

223
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,536
someone for being hot.

224
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So who here can
I arrest tonight?

225
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,608
Not so fast, Sabrina Carpenter.

226
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,743
You are under arrest.

227
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:44,944
For being hot.

228
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,780
No, for falsely

229
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,583
impersonating an officer
200 times at your concerts.

230
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,620
And you're arresting innocent
hot people.

231
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,321
Keenan, you're not a cop.

232
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,556
You're not even in a costume.

233
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:59,859
What are
you doing here? Okay, fine.

234
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:03,063
I'm here
to get a cameo from my niece.

235
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,264
Sure. I would love to.

236
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:07,434
Do you have $200,000?

237
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,069
Good bye.

238
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,070
Well, okay.

239
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,072
If anyone else wants one,
find me on Venmo.

240
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,074
We've got a great show
for you tonight. I'm here to.

241
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,309
So stick around we|ll be
right back

242
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:35,762
**

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00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:40,300
>>> HEY, SNACKHOMIEZ WELCOME,

244
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:40,567
THE

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00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:41,301
PODCAST ABOUT SNACKS WITH YOUR

246
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:41,634
HOMIES.

247
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:42,335
I'M BRAYLOR HERE WITH JASON,

248
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:42,836
KYLER AND TAYSON.

249
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,138
>> HEY, I'M KYLER.

250
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,340
>> GAME GAME.

251
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:48,308
>> WE'RE LOWKEY 12 YEARS OLD, SO

252
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:52,812
TYLER IS 13, HE'S UNC.

253
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:54,447
>> NO, I'M NOT.

254
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,515
I'M NOT.

255
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,116
>> CHILL, BRO, CHILL.

256
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:57,117
>> AND HE GOT THE LeBRON

257
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:00,653
HAIRLINE LOWKEY.

258
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:01,054
>> STOP.

259
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,255
>> SO IT'S SPOOKY SEASON.

260
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:02,956
YOU KNOW WE GOT TO TALK BEST

261
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:06,593
HALLOWEEN CANDY.

262
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:10,730
TAYSON, DO THE HONORS BRA.

263
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,097
>> I BET.

264
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:11,798
I'M GOING TO KICK THINGS OFF

265
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:12,465
WITH A CONTROVERSIAL PICK,

266
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:12,932
TWIZZLERS.

267
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,067
>> WHAT?

268
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,703
>> OH, NO.

269
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:17,837
>> NAH TWIZZLERS ARE WASH, THEY

270
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:18,905
FELL OFF.

271
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:19,606
>> IT'S LIKE CHEWING A TIRE,

272
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,608
BRO.

273
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:22,676
>> I DON'T KNOW, TWIZZLERS ARE

274
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:24,344
FIRE TO ME.

275
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:28,448
I'M A BIG TWIZZLERS GUY.

276
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,149
>> BET.

277
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:29,516
ALL RIGHT.

278
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,851
JASON.

279
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:35,555
>> I'M GOING TO SAY AIRHEADS.

280
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:35,889
>> OOH.

281
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,291
>> AIRHEADS ARE FIRE TBH.

282
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,359
>> OKAY, WHAT FLAVOR, RED,

283
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:40,460
WHITE, MYSTERY?

284
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,095
>> DEFINITELY BLUE.

285
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,264
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY BLUE.

286
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:49,969
>> BLUE IS VALID, BLUE IS FIRE.

287
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,172
>> YOU GUYS -- YOU GUYS TRY THE

288
00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:52,539
SOUR ONES?

289
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,774
>> FIRE.

290
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,108
>> FIRE.

291
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:55,842
>> GOT TO TRY THEM.

292
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:56,543
>> I'M GOING TO SAY SNICKERS,

293
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:57,477
I'M A NUT GUY.

294
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,112
PAUSE.

295
00:12:59,112 --> 00:12:59,679
>> CHILL.

296
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:04,884
>> CRAZY.

297
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:05,185
>> NO.

298
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:05,952
>> FACTS, FACTS.

299
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,620
OKAY.

300
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,288
LET'S GO TO THE NEXT TOPIC,

301
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,857
GOATED VEGETABLES.

302
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:14,327
WHAT DO WE THINK, FELLOWS, DOWN

303
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:15,595
WITH GOATED VEGETABLES?

304
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:19,899
>> IT'S KIND OF A COMPLICATED

305
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:20,266
QUESTION.

306
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:20,734
SOME VEGETABLES

307
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:21,601
ARE FIRE, AND SOME VEGETABLES

308
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,770
LOWKEY BE A FRUIT.

309
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,372
LIKE AVOCADO.

310
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,108
>> YO, WHAT EVEN IS THAT?

311
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:29,175
>> HOW DOES IT HAVE LIKE A

312
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:35,648
WOODEN BALL IN THE CENTER?

313
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,616
>> YO, YO.

314
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,650
BUT MISS ME WITH TOMATOES

315
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,252
THOUGH, THAT TEXTURE, NAH.

316
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:39,986
>> YO, TOMATO IS LIKE IF A APPLE

317
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:43,089
WAS A GIRL.

318
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:44,124
>> SO FACTS.

319
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,326
BUT GIRLS ARE FIRE.

320
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,195
>> YEAH, EXCEPT MY SISTER, SHE'S

321
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,698
LOWKEY CHOP, NOT GOING TO LIE.

322
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,901
>> NEVER HAD A VEGETABLE LOWKEY.

323
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:58,104
>> WAIT, FOR REAL, UNC?

324
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:58,338
NEVER?

325
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,173
>> NO, IT'S KIND OF GROSS.

326
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,274
>> KYLER, THEY'RE LIKE IMPORTANT

327
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,476
THOUGH.

328
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:07,414
>> NAH, VEGGIES ARE LOWKEY

329
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:07,747
CHOPPED.

330
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,050
THEY'RE COOKED.

331
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:12,519
>> ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE

332
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:12,852
COOKED.

333
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,788
>> WAIT, SO YOU'VE NEVER HAD

334
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:15,355
LIKE A LETTUCE?

335
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,389
>> NO LETTUCE IS CHOPPED.

336
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,490
>> LETTUCE IS FIRE WHEN IT'S

337
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,558
CHOPPED.

338
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:19,626
>> NO CHOPPED LIKE LETTUCE IS

339
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:20,193
COOKED.

340
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:21,795
BUT FIRE, THAT'S FIRE.

341
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:22,896
>> SO FIRE.

342
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,064
>> ACTUALLY FIRE.

343
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,199
>> COOL.

344
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,267
I'M GETTING A LITTLE LOST

345
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,335
ACTUALLY.

346
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,070
>> YEAH, ME TOO.

347
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,604
SO FIRE.

348
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,672
OKAY.

349
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:38,078
LET'S MOVE ON TO TODAY'S GUEST,

350
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,579
YOU KNOW HIM, HE'S ALL OVER

351
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:40,246
TIKTOK, PRESIDENT DONALD J.

352
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,081
TRUMP.

353
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:47,320
>> HELLO, SNACKHOMIEZ, IT'S

354
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:47,921
BEEN A LONG TIME COMING

355
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:48,555
WITH REGARD TO SNACKS AND

356
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,556
FRIENDSHIP AND FROM THE

357
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:50,657
STANDPOINT OF PODCASTS.

358
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:51,291
>> SO SIR, DO YOU HAVE A

359
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,893
FAVORITE VEGETABLE?

360
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,528
>> YOU KNOW, BRAYLOR, I'VE NEVER

361
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:57,197
BEEN ONE FOR THE VEGGIES.

362
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,866
DING-DONGS, I LIKE A DING-DONG.

363
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:00,600
WE LOVE LITTLE DEBBIE, SHE DOES

364
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:01,501
TREMENDOUS WORK.

365
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:08,575
IT'S AWFUL WHAT HAPPENED TO HER.

366
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,378
I LIKE THE CHRISTMAS TREE CAKE.

367
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,513
THE CHRISTMAS TREE CAKE.

368
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:14,047
YOU KNOW, IT

369
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,048
USED TO BE SEASONAL.

370
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:15,749
BUT I VERY SMARTLY MADE A CALL,

371
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,616
NOW WE GET IT YEAR ROUND.

372
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:17,717
>> DANG!

373
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:20,787
THAT IS SO FIRE.

374
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,655
>> IT IS, VERY FIRE.

375
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:23,056
VERY FIRE.

376
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:23,723
>> WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON

377
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:27,127
AIRHEADS?

378
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,163
>> YOU KNOW, AIRHEADS, VERY

379
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:30,663
INTERESTING TASTE.

380
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,364
LOOK AT CHINA, LOOK AT KOREA,

381
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:31,765
YOU KNOW.

382
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:32,866
I'VE SOLVED LIKE SEVEN WARS AT

383
00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:33,566
THIS POINT, RIGHT, AND NO ONE

384
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,068
GIVES ME CREDIT.

385
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,136
IT'S LIKE 100 WARS I'VE SOLVED

386
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,237
RIGHT.

387
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,872
>> SURE.

388
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:44,444
>> SOMETHING LIKE 200 WARS.

389
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,078
RIGHT?

390
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:45,612
YOU KNOW ZELENSKYY,

391
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:46,279
HE ASKED FOR TOMAHAWKS THAT

392
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,080
COULD REACH MOSCOW, AND I USED

393
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:47,781
TO NOT LIKE THE GUY, BUT HE'S

394
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,750
TOUGH, HE LOVES HIS COUNTRY.

395
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,085
HE LOVES HIS COUNTRY.

396
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,087
YOU KNOW WHO I LIKE IS GEORGE

397
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,088
SANTOS, HE'S WEIRD, HE'S A LIAR.

398
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:58,491
I THINK HE'S GREAT.

399
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,393
WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

400
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,296
HIM, HE'S ONE OF OUR FAVORITE

401
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:03,763
PEOPLE.

402
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:04,164
I DON'T KNOW

403
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:04,798
HIM AT ALL BUT ONE OF OUR

404
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:05,265
FAVORITE PEOPLE.

405
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:06,032
PEOPLE ARE MARCHING BECAUSE

406
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:06,566
THEY'RE HAPPY HE'S FREE.

407
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:11,237
IT'S A YES KING MARCH.

408
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:11,738
THEY SAY YES KING.

409
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:12,505
MAYBE IF I THINK ABOUT IT, BLUE

410
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:17,444
AIRHEAD.

411
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,511
>> I TOLD YOU, BRO, THAT'S FIRE.

412
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:21,181
THANK YOU SIR.

413
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,149
>> VERY FIRE, VERY FIRE.

414
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:23,416
NOW,

415
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,217
I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU BOYS.

416
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:24,918
DO YOU THINK I'M GETTING INTO

417
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:27,487
HEAVEN?

418
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,656
>> UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SIR?

419
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:36,796
>> AM I GOING TO HEAVEN CHET?

420
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:39,265
DO I FIT THE CRITERIA IN TERMS

421
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,668
OF CHRISTIAN, WITH REGARD TO

422
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,102
ST. PETER AND

423
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,303
PEARLY GATES?

424
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,438
>> UM, I DON'T KNOW, SIR.

425
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:46,573
>> PROBABLY NOT, RIGHT?

426
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,640
EPSTEIN.

427
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,211
OH, WELL.

428
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,113
YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN A GOOD RUN.

429
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,681
I HAD A GREAT TIME.

430
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:55,749
>> CAN I JUST SAY I THINK IT'S

431
00:16:55,749 --> 00:17:01,087
KIND OF GOATED THAT EVERYONE CAN

432
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,023
-- GETS TO LIKE THEIR OWN STUFF.

433
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:03,690
>> WELL, YOU'RE WRONG, UNC, THIS

434
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,826
IS UNC?

435
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:07,894
IS KYLER UNC?

436
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,630
I SEE THE LeBRON THING NOW I'M

437
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:11,031
LOOKING.

438
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:15,502
I THINK UNC IS COOKED.

439
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:16,803
>> TRUMP JUST VIOLATED, BRO.

440
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,138
>> NOT CHILL.

441
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,472
CHILL.

442
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,407
>> OKAY.

443
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:21,641
FIRE EPISODE EVERYONE.

444
00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,577
THANK YOU, SIR, PEACE.

445
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,484
So what
are you up to this weekend?

446
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,386
Chris and I
are going to hang at home,

447
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,488
which is exactly what I need.

448
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:38,425
We've had something to do
the past five weekends in a row,

449
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:41,461
so I'm very much looking forward
to doing literally

450
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:45,932
nothing.

451
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,067
Is that babe?

452
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,134
My cousin.

453
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,103
She just texted me.

454
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,671
Almost there.

455
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:53,106
What does that mean?

456
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,608
Oh, God, I think.

457
00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:56,776
I think we have.

458
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,279
We have what.

459
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,181
Plans

460
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,651
for Blumhouse
to steal the plot of insidious?

461
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,286
Annabel. Rise of horror.

462
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:10,256
Doll comes a terrifying story
about when the thing you agreed

463
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:10,757
to do.

464
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,126
Four months ago is to do.

465
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,561
What happened

466
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,029
Let me think.

467
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:19,532
The 4th of July,
the mom's barbecue.

468
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,568
She said she wanted
to come to the city in the fall.

469
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,737
Oh, my God, we got this monster.

470
00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:26,272
7 to 8. Which?
Which cousin is it?

471
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,675
Which cousin is it?

472
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:31,277
The one who runs marathons.

473
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:31,611
Thank you.

474
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,080
I ran a five, 15, 28,
but I had to train.

475
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,449
You really want to get into
Berlin the. Way I did?

476
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,084
Losing
toenails is a badge of honor.

477
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,153
But it's okay.
This is okay, Chris.

478
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:42,222
You guys can hang out,
and I'll just do my own thing.

479
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:46,726
I mean, she's not my cousin,
so it's like.

480
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:49,062
Her husband is coming to.

481
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:52,832
But the guy always shows me
YouTube videos.

482
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,635
Oh, man. You gotta see this.

483
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:59,839
I can't believe
you haven't seen it in.

484
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,775
11 minutes

485
00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:02,742
and in August.

486
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:06,046
You know they want to do
drinks here.

487
00:19:06,046 --> 00:19:08,214
The dinner at that viral
ramen place so.

488
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:10,483
Crowded and overhyped.
Then go to an immersive

489
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,052
play based on the story of
Snow White.

490
00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:13,753
The one where you're
part of the show.

491
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:17,590
Seven dwarves sit in lies.

492
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,726
Just tell them we have Covid.

493
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:20,827
They don't believe in.

494
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,298
You thought you were safe.

495
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:30,136
Hey, want to see 1000
pictures of my dog? No.

496
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,439
Leave me alone, please. No, no.

497
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,508
You thought you were alone.

498
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,943
I have opinions on politics.

499
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,212
I can't
wait for you to hear them all.

500
00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,313
It'll be fun.

501
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,748
It's just one night
and we'll have the rest

502
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:45,585
of the weekend to ourselves.

503
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,954
We're here.

504
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,823
Why do they have suitcases?

505
00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:52,192
You thought you were free.

506
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,762
Didn't I tell you?

507
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,631
They're staying till Monday. No.

508
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,743
Okay, this one's trouble.

509
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:14,848
Hi shoppers rent and bam here
love on shop TV. Bam!

510
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:16,750
Looking adorable.

511
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,351
You, sir, are a flirt.

512
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,453
Oh, just call me flirt. Russell.

513
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,287
Flirt, Russell.

514
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:24,024
Okay, well,
we've got a lot of great deals

515
00:20:24,024 --> 00:20:25,291
coming up later in the hour.

516
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,827
The crafty Christian returns.
That's right.

517
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:30,864
Tim Tucker needs here
in his new Jesus.

518
00:20:30,864 --> 00:20:33,233
Trick or treat.

519
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,435
Oh, look at that.

520
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,703
Oh my God!

521
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:37,470
Trick or treat!

522
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,304
Smell my feet.

523
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,840
Walk with Christ
down the Halloween street.

524
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,109
Oh, my God, he's a hoot.

525
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:45,745
Our producer Odell's over there
smiling.

526
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:46,880
He's going to buy one.

527
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,515
Well, speaking of Halloween,

528
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,784
you know what the scariest thing
of all is? What?

529
00:20:50,784 --> 00:20:51,718
Airline travel.

530
00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:54,587
Oh, I hate it. It's a war.
So uncomfortable.

531
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:58,024
Well, that is where
our next seller comes in.

532
00:20:58,024 --> 00:21:01,361
Designer Virginia Duffy
joins us with her

533
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:05,965
new brand
new ergonomic neck pillow.

534
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:09,569
And aren't you just the cutest,
tiniest little funniest thing?

535
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:10,437
Know this.

536
00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:13,840
My nana always said short
folks will be tall in heaven.

537
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:18,712
That made
me a little sad, actually.

538
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:21,147
Right. Tell us about this
pillow. Virginia.

539
00:21:21,147 --> 00:21:24,684
Well, it's simply the most comfy
travel pillow out there,

540
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:27,387
and it stays snug
with magnetic snaps.

541
00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:31,458
Oh, and it's yours
for just 3999.

542
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,759
Why don't you prop this up

543
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:36,963
and show the shoppers at home
all the neat cushions inside?

544
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,098
Okay.

545
00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:41,868
Ooh! Fun snaps to give us

546
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,236
that name.

547
00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:44,604
Oh, hey, hey.

548
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:46,940
Oh, I don't know.

549
00:21:46,940 --> 00:21:50,477
Not the best angle on that.

550
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,544
Okay, so.

551
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:55,648
This outer layer here
is made of memory foam, right?

552
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:56,249
Okay.

553
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:59,619
And this inner layer here
is filled with a cool in jail.

554
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,921
Oh, that one now.

555
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:02,455
One out.

556
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,058
Cool cool cool.

557
00:22:05,058 --> 00:22:08,661
So two different
labial layers and

558
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,697
layers. Very neat.

559
00:22:10,697 --> 00:22:14,334
And it's available
in ten different colors. Oh.

560
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,703
Why would you bring
the pink one.

561
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:17,470
Okay.

562
00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,473
So 39, 99 on that.

563
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:24,744
And now let me explain what
makes this pillow so great okay.

564
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,513
It's how it feels.

565
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:28,081
It feels so soft.

566
00:22:28,081 --> 00:22:31,084
Wow. Feel this. Rip.
Oh. I'm good.

567
00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:33,319
All right. Okay, so.

568
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:36,489
Oh, yeah.

569
00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:39,392
It's unreal. Ooh.

570
00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:40,393
How does it. Feel?

571
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,929
Feels a little wrong, actually.

572
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:44,664
I have no. Gentle.

573
00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:46,800
You can move your hand around
there. And put it in thing.

574
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,568
Oh, no, no, no, don't say that.

575
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:49,235
Thank you.

576
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,805
Okay,
I think we're done with that.

577
00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:53,273
How about we go to the phones?

578
00:22:53,273 --> 00:22:54,674
Caller, you're on TV.

579
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,343
What do you think of the new
neck pillow?

580
00:22:56,343 --> 00:22:59,346
I think it looks like a lady's
foot. Hey.

581
00:23:01,281 --> 00:23:02,482
And it gets better.

582
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,818
I don't know if you notice
this little ball up here.

583
00:23:04,818 --> 00:23:05,585
Well, you know.

584
00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:08,221
It did catch my eye
just a little bit.

585
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,056
That lines up
with your next pressure

586
00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:13,059
point and actually vibrate. Oh.

587
00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:17,364
If you touch it right
here, you'll be in heaven.

588
00:23:17,364 --> 00:23:20,066
Let me show you.
No no no no no no no.

589
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:24,738
No no no no no no no no I'm just
going to turn that off okay.

590
00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:26,339
Oh. All right. Thank you.

591
00:23:26,339 --> 00:23:28,375
Have you ever felt
anything like that?

592
00:23:28,375 --> 00:23:30,143
Oh, not since
my sophomore year. College.

593
00:23:31,644 --> 00:23:31,945
Okay.

594
00:23:32,779 --> 00:23:34,748
All right, let's just put this
down here, if that's okay.

595
00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:36,549
Get that out of the way.

596
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:39,252
All right, so 39, 99.

597
00:23:39,252 --> 00:23:42,122
Now for Gina. I'm
sorry for Gina.

598
00:23:42,122 --> 00:23:43,156
So sorry about that.

599
00:23:43,156 --> 00:23:45,892
I'm told you have a special
offer for our shoppers.

600
00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:46,559
That's right.

601
00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:46,826
If you

602
00:23:47,727 --> 00:23:49,829
order in the next five minutes,
I will upgrade your pillow

603
00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:53,533
to the deluxe version
for free. Ooh.

604
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,170
With the faux fur lining. Oh!

605
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:02,242
Oh! Okay.

606
00:24:02,242 --> 00:24:04,444
Yes. Let's take a call.

607
00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:06,579
Hey there, caller, you're on.

608
00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,314
You're on TV.

609
00:24:08,314 --> 00:24:11,317
Hi. Is the deluxe pillow
available in redhead?

610
00:24:13,153 --> 00:24:13,953
Yeah. Yeah.

611
00:24:14,154 --> 00:24:16,823
The fur is available
in dark brown or camel hair.

612
00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,191
Okay. Yay yay yay.

613
00:24:18,191 --> 00:24:20,060
Next caller. Hi, there.

614
00:24:20,060 --> 00:24:20,593
Yeah.

615
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,564
So, you make any
that are less pretty more.

616
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,600
I don't know, like,
been around a block.

617
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:28,335
Oh, hey.

618
00:24:30,503 --> 00:24:32,572
I don't understand his question.

619
00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:34,307
Good, good.

620
00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:36,609
Now, this is machine
washable. Correct?

621
00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:39,479
It is easy to clean. No
one wants to get one of these.

622
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:40,447
All stinky.

623
00:24:40,447 --> 00:24:42,549
Yeah, I do.

624
00:24:42,549 --> 00:24:44,784
And I still want.

625
00:24:44,784 --> 00:24:47,754
Don't hang up on him.

626
00:24:47,754 --> 00:24:50,090
Well,
thanks for joining us, Virginia.

627
00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:52,325
Wait, wait. I can't leave before
you try it out. Right.

628
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,894
Get in here. Oh, wow.

629
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:57,263
Okay, okay,
I'm gonna go through this.

630
00:24:57,263 --> 00:25:00,033
There I go. All right.

631
00:25:00,033 --> 00:25:03,937
Laura, and. Yay!

632
00:25:03,937 --> 00:25:08,041
Don't play a baby
sandbox on Dale.

633
00:25:08,041 --> 00:25:09,175
Disgusting.

634
00:25:09,175 --> 00:25:12,312
Well,
this has been fun. Virginia.

635
00:25:12,312 --> 00:25:14,080
I designed the packaging myself.

636
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:15,915
Can I show your viewers the box?

637
00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:19,185
Well,
I think you already did, honey.

638
00:25:19,185 --> 00:25:21,287
We'll be right back after this
quick break.

639
00:25:21,287 --> 00:25:23,356
It actually is super cool.

640
00:25:37,170 --> 00:25:39,272
I can't
believe you talked me into this.

641
00:25:39,272 --> 00:25:42,709
I mean, a girl boss
female confidence seminar.

642
00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:44,878
Not just any seminar.

643
00:25:44,878 --> 00:25:46,079
It's Queen Lisa.

644
00:25:46,079 --> 00:25:49,149
She teaches confidence through
motivational speech and dancing.

645
00:25:49,149 --> 00:25:52,919
Her seminars on girlboss grind
set literally feel like a party.

646
00:25:52,919 --> 00:25:56,089
Here she comes now.

647
00:25:56,089 --> 00:25:57,257
All right.

648
00:25:57,257 --> 00:25:57,924
Yeah.

649
00:25:58,258 --> 00:26:00,560
Who's excited to get
this girlboss party started?

650
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:04,130
I am plainly shocked.

651
00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:05,598
The girls by coming here.

652
00:26:05,598 --> 00:26:07,200
You're
already on the road to success,

653
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,602
so you don't have to feel
insecurity or FOMO.

654
00:26:09,602 --> 00:26:14,841
No, no, no.

655
00:26:14,841 --> 00:26:15,508
Confidence.

656
00:26:15,508 --> 00:26:16,109
Let's do it.

657
00:26:16,109 --> 00:26:16,776
Let's dance.

658
00:26:16,776 --> 00:26:20,213
Period.

659
00:26:20,213 --> 00:26:22,048
Whoa!

660
00:26:22,048 --> 00:26:23,383
Okay, this is actually.

661
00:26:23,383 --> 00:26:26,319
Kind of fun.

662
00:26:26,319 --> 00:26:28,888
But, man,
they're really swinging her

663
00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:33,493
around. How?

664
00:26:33,493 --> 00:26:34,060
Yeah.

665
00:26:34,060 --> 00:26:41,768
Oh, Queen Lisa.

666
00:26:41,768 --> 00:26:43,169
Oh my God.

667
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:43,937
Oh, no. It's.

668
00:26:43,937 --> 00:26:46,740
You. Okay?

669
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:48,508
Yeah.

670
00:26:48,508 --> 00:26:50,610
Oh! My head.

671
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:51,978
Okay.

672
00:26:51,978 --> 00:26:52,679
I'm okay.

673
00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:57,751
Nothing could
get me down. Now let's dance.

674
00:26:57,751 --> 00:26:58,918
Are we sure she's okay?

675
00:26:58,918 --> 00:26:59,219
Because it

676
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:03,023
looks like she hit her head
and directly into that dumpster

677
00:27:03,023 --> 00:27:04,090
fire girl.

678
00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:06,659
Nothing stops the queen.

679
00:27:06,659 --> 00:27:08,094
Now listen up, girl.

680
00:27:08,094 --> 00:27:09,729
You want your haters to be
jealous.

681
00:27:09,729 --> 00:27:11,164
Well, jealousy is a disease.

682
00:27:11,164 --> 00:27:14,267
And the vaccine.

683
00:27:14,267 --> 00:27:16,469
Because
when everyone around you,

684
00:27:16,469 --> 00:27:18,238
you know
you're doing something doing.

685
00:27:18,238 --> 00:27:19,606
And that's all. Period.

686
00:27:19,606 --> 00:27:22,709
Let's dance.

687
00:27:22,709 --> 00:27:25,378
Oh I think she has a concussion.

688
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:27,614
That didn't make any sense.

689
00:27:27,614 --> 00:27:30,316
That just means you don't
believe in yourself, girl.

690
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:31,618
Oh, girl.

691
00:27:31,618 --> 00:27:34,154
Tune out the FOMO
and get ready to fly.

692
00:27:34,154 --> 00:27:37,090
Like the original
I call Amelia Earhart.

693
00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:39,893
She broke the glass ceiling
by being the first woman

694
00:27:39,893 --> 00:27:40,727
to ever die.

695
00:27:40,727 --> 00:27:45,565
And that's my period.

696
00:27:45,565 --> 00:27:48,635
Like, that was just nonsense.

697
00:27:48,635 --> 00:27:51,638
Now, who here has a problem?

698
00:27:51,638 --> 00:27:52,939
I do, Queen.

699
00:27:52,939 --> 00:27:54,741
So I'm up for promotion at work.

700
00:27:54,741 --> 00:27:57,477
But I think my coworker
Susan is trying to sabotage me.

701
00:27:57,477 --> 00:27:58,912
What do I do?

702
00:27:58,912 --> 00:28:02,349
Girl, there's a special place
now for women who are women.

703
00:28:02,349 --> 00:28:04,117
But when you're
a part of success,

704
00:28:04,117 --> 00:28:06,453
the only thing Susan
be is Anthony.

705
00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:09,723
And I'm on my period.

706
00:28:09,723 --> 00:28:11,491
She needs to go to the hospital.

707
00:28:11,491 --> 00:28:13,626
You guys, come on. Stop.

708
00:28:13,626 --> 00:28:20,033
You're gonna make it worse.

709
00:28:20,033 --> 00:28:21,534
What is your deal?

710
00:28:21,534 --> 00:28:23,036
Do you just hate other women?

711
00:28:23,036 --> 00:28:23,470
I'm worried.

712
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,639
She has a brain injury.

713
00:28:26,639 --> 00:28:27,240
All right.

714
00:28:27,340 --> 00:28:29,509
Now, who here wants to be rich?

715
00:28:29,509 --> 00:28:33,346
Who wants to drive a nice car
and live in a gated community?

716
00:28:33,346 --> 00:28:36,783
Does she mean a gated community?

717
00:28:36,783 --> 00:28:39,352
It must have a rocking body
and be next door neighbors

718
00:28:39,352 --> 00:28:41,087
with Sean Hayes.

719
00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:44,257
So she didn't mean a gay
community?

720
00:28:44,257 --> 00:28:46,860
Well, if you want to do that,
you're going to have to replace

721
00:28:46,860 --> 00:28:50,530
your FOMO with FOMO. No, no, no.

722
00:28:50,530 --> 00:28:52,065
What does that stand for?

723
00:28:52,065 --> 00:28:54,534
I'll tell you what
it stands for.

724
00:28:54,534 --> 00:28:57,137
Fear of missing out on me
or not, on other people's

725
00:28:57,137 --> 00:28:59,105
expectations of me
while I'm on my way

726
00:28:59,105 --> 00:29:01,107
to living my dream
life in the car.

727
00:29:01,107 --> 00:29:02,709
Yeah, that's what it stands for.

728
00:29:02,709 --> 00:29:06,746
And you just got your period.

729
00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:08,882
Wait, so that was planned?

730
00:29:08,882 --> 00:29:10,450
Is. Stop dancing.

731
00:29:10,450 --> 00:29:14,688
You're going to hurt her again.

732
00:29:14,688 --> 00:29:18,024
Another window
successfully prepared.

733
00:29:18,024 --> 00:29:19,693
Suppose I'll just be on my way.

734
00:29:19,693 --> 00:29:21,795
All right.

735
00:29:21,795 --> 00:29:23,363
Whoo! That was a relief.

736
00:29:23,363 --> 00:29:24,698
My window is still safe.

737
00:29:24,698 --> 00:29:27,033
Oh, no. Please do not.

738
00:29:27,033 --> 00:29:30,036
Ha ha ha! Oh!

739
00:29:35,542 --> 00:29:37,110
One more back.

740
00:29:37,110 --> 00:29:39,045
Queen Lisa.

741
00:29:39,045 --> 00:29:40,413
Queen. Lisa, my girl.

742
00:29:40,413 --> 00:29:42,515
We gotta get you to
the hospital.

743
00:29:42,515 --> 00:29:45,685
You clearly have a concussion.

744
00:29:45,685 --> 00:29:48,888
Do I?

745
00:29:48,888 --> 00:29:51,591
Or is your internalized misogyny

746
00:29:51,591 --> 00:29:56,129
so deep rooted
that a woman being confident

747
00:29:56,129 --> 00:30:00,934
and inspiring just sounds like
nonsense to you?

748
00:30:00,934 --> 00:30:01,868
You know what?

749
00:30:01,868 --> 00:30:04,371
Maybe you're
right. Thanks, Queen. Lisa.

750
00:30:21,955 --> 00:30:22,288
**

751
00:30:22,288 --> 00:30:22,822
>> YEAH.

752
00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:23,356
>> YEAH.

753
00:30:23,423 --> 00:30:24,424
LIL' EXTRA GEL IN MY HAIR

754
00:30:24,424 --> 00:30:24,958
TONIGHT.

755
00:30:24,958 --> 00:30:27,327
>> LET'S GET CRAZY.

756
00:30:27,327 --> 00:30:29,829
* YOU KNOW IT, GIRL

757
00:30:29,829 --> 00:30:30,897
IT'S FINALLY TIME

758
00:30:30,897 --> 00:30:31,431
I SEEN YOU EYEIN' ME

759
00:30:31,431 --> 00:30:32,532
AT SCHOOL *

760
00:30:32,532 --> 00:30:33,600
* IT'S BEEN ON

761
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:34,701
BOTH OF OUR MINDS *

762
00:30:34,701 --> 00:30:36,870
* AND I'M FEELIN' GROWN

763
00:30:36,870 --> 00:30:37,437
TWELVE SPRAYS OF

764
00:30:37,437 --> 00:30:38,505
MY DAD'S COLOGNE *

765
00:30:38,505 --> 00:30:40,140
>> NICE!

766
00:30:40,140 --> 00:30:41,741
* WE COULD GET GET PG-13

767
00:30:41,741 --> 00:30:43,943
IF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN *

768
00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:46,112
* IT'S ALMOST SIX PM

769
00:30:46,112 --> 00:30:48,281
TIME TO HIT THE TOWN *

770
00:30:48,281 --> 00:30:49,382
* JUST GOT MY

771
00:30:49,382 --> 00:30:50,450
BRACES TIGHTENED

772
00:30:50,450 --> 00:30:53,153
BOY IT'S GONNA GO DOWN *

773
00:30:53,153 --> 00:30:55,355
* I CAN'T DENY IT, NO

774
00:30:55,355 --> 00:30:56,423
MIGHT HAVE TO TRY IT, YEAH *

775
00:30:56,423 --> 00:30:57,457
* YEAH THAT ONE

776
00:30:57,457 --> 00:30:59,693
SPECIAL THING

777
00:30:59,693 --> 00:31:02,362
I KNOW JUST WHATCHA MEAN *

778
00:31:02,362 --> 00:31:04,531
* AND WE'RE IN MY MOM'S CAR

779
00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:07,801
ROLLIN' UP TO THE SCHOOL *

780
00:31:07,801 --> 00:31:08,935
* CHERRY CHAPSTICK ON

781
00:31:08,935 --> 00:31:09,969
YEAH WE'RE BREAKIN'

782
00:31:09,969 --> 00:31:11,604
THE RULES *

783
00:31:11,604 --> 00:31:14,341
* AND I KNOW THAT IT'S WRONG

784
00:31:14,341 --> 00:31:15,408
BUT IT'S FEELING SO RIGHT

785
00:31:15,408 --> 00:31:16,476
WE'RE 13 BUT

786
00:31:16,476 --> 00:31:18,111
TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT *

787
00:31:18,111 --> 00:31:19,746
* WE'RE GONNA GRIND

788
00:31:19,746 --> 00:31:20,814
BACK AND FORTH

789
00:31:20,814 --> 00:31:21,915
GONNA FREAK WITH

790
00:31:21,915 --> 00:31:23,083
THE FRICTION *

791
00:31:23,083 --> 00:31:24,084
* IT'S GRIND TIME

792
00:31:24,084 --> 00:31:25,685
WE GOT NO RHYTHM AND

793
00:31:25,685 --> 00:31:27,887
GOT NO INHIBITIONS *

794
00:31:27,887 --> 00:31:30,090
* OVER THE PANTSIN' ROMANCIN'

795
00:31:30,090 --> 00:31:31,691
HOT AND HEAVY WE'RE DANCIN'

796
00:31:31,691 --> 00:31:34,427
IT'S GRIND TIME

797
00:31:34,427 --> 00:31:37,130
AND THE GYMNASIUM'S JUMPIN' *

798
00:31:37,130 --> 00:31:39,866
* OUR BODIES ARE CHANGING

799
00:31:39,866 --> 00:31:42,102
AND SO IS THE BEAT

800
00:31:42,102 --> 00:31:43,703
BUT I TRY NOT TO SCREAM

801
00:31:43,703 --> 00:31:45,839
WHILE SHE STEPS ON MY FEET *

802
00:31:45,839 --> 00:31:47,474
* I'MA DO WHAT I PLEASES

803
00:31:47,474 --> 00:31:49,109
NO ROOM FOR JESUS *

804
00:31:49,109 --> 00:31:50,210
* WE GETTING'

805
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:51,311
FREAKAY TONIGHT

806
00:31:51,311 --> 00:31:52,946
DESPITE THE DIFFERENCE

807
00:31:52,946 --> 00:31:54,014
IN HEIGHT *

808
00:31:54,014 --> 00:31:55,115
>> OW, WHAT IS THAT?

809
00:31:55,115 --> 00:31:56,149
IT'S STABBING ME IN THE BACK.

810
00:31:56,149 --> 00:32:01,054
>> I DON'T KNOW AND I'M SCARED.

811
00:32:01,054 --> 00:32:02,155
* WE'RE GONNA GRIND

812
00:32:02,155 --> 00:32:03,757
FRONT TO FRONT

813
00:32:03,757 --> 00:32:04,858
BUTT TO FRONT TO KNEE

814
00:32:04,858 --> 00:32:05,959
IT'S GRIND TIME *

815
00:32:05,959 --> 00:32:07,560
* GETTING' LOOSE

816
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,229
OFF THE SUN CAPRI

817
00:32:09,229 --> 00:32:10,830
I GOT MY BUTT

818
00:32:10,830 --> 00:32:11,898
ON HIS CROTCH'N *

819
00:32:11,898 --> 00:32:12,966
* ALL THE CHAPERONES

820
00:32:12,966 --> 00:32:13,500
WATCHIN' *

821
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:15,135
>> HI, MOM.

822
00:32:15,135 --> 00:32:16,736
>> CAROLINE, ENOUGH!

823
00:32:16,736 --> 00:32:19,439
PRINCIPAL ATKINS, DO SOMETHING!

824
00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:23,810
PRINCIPAL ATKINS?

825
00:32:23,810 --> 00:32:25,445
* I COULD BE WRITING

826
00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:27,080
MY NOVEL

827
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,715
UPSTATE IN A COTTAGE *

828
00:32:28,715 --> 00:32:30,350
* INSTEAD I'M STUCK

829
00:32:30,350 --> 00:32:31,451
HERE SUPERVISING

830
00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:34,187
PRE-TEEN FROTTAGE *

831
00:32:34,187 --> 00:32:35,755
* SO I LEAVE MY BODY

832
00:32:35,755 --> 00:32:38,491
LET THEM HAVE THEIR FUN

833
00:32:38,491 --> 00:32:40,093
CUZ NO ONE GRINDED ON ME

834
00:32:40,093 --> 00:32:41,761
WHEN I WAS YOUNG *

835
00:32:41,761 --> 00:32:42,829
* WE'RE GONNA GRIND

836
00:32:42,829 --> 00:32:43,930
IT'S OUR ADDICTION

837
00:32:43,930 --> 00:32:45,598
SO INSANE AND DIRTY

838
00:32:45,598 --> 00:32:46,666
IT'S GRIND TIME *

839
00:32:46,666 --> 00:32:47,734
* BUT HURRY UP

840
00:32:47,734 --> 00:32:48,835
THE DANCE IS DONE

841
00:32:48,835 --> 00:32:49,903
AT EIGHT THIRTY *

842
00:32:49,903 --> 00:32:50,970
* CUZ THIS IS

843
00:32:50,970 --> 00:32:52,105
MIDDLE SCHOOL LOVIN'

844
00:32:52,105 --> 00:32:53,740
AWKWARD PUSHIN' AND SHOVIN'

845
00:32:53,740 --> 00:32:54,808
WE'RE GONNA GRIND *

846
00:32:54,808 --> 00:32:56,976
* WHOA-OH

847
00:32:56,976 --> 00:33:03,049
REGARDLESS OF THE SONG *

848
00:33:03,049 --> 00:33:04,617
>> HEY, CAN YOU TOUCH MY BUTT?

849
00:33:04,617 --> 00:33:05,719
>> I THOUGHT THE GUY WAS

850
00:33:05,719 --> 00:33:06,453
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TO THE GIRL.

851
00:33:06,453 --> 00:33:07,320
>> NO, NO.

852
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:08,054
I HEAR IT'S WHATEVER THE PERSON

853
00:33:08,054 --> 00:33:08,955
WANTS.

854
00:33:08,955 --> 00:33:10,056
>> OKAY.

855
00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:11,091
MMM, YOU LIKE THAT?

856
00:33:11,091 --> 00:33:12,759
>> YEAH.

857
00:33:12,759 --> 00:33:14,394
>> ALL RIGHT, I'M CALLIN IT.

858
00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:16,062
[ FIRE ALARM ]

859
00:33:16,062 --> 00:33:19,799
>> AWW.

860
00:33:19,799 --> 00:33:20,900
* WE'RE GONNA GRIND *

861
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:22,569
>> I THINK I LOVE YOU.

862
00:33:22,569 --> 00:33:26,639
>> OH, NO THANK YOU.

863
00:33:26,639 --> 00:33:27,307
*

864
00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:38,551
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

865
00:33:38,551 --> 00:33:42,889
SABRINA CARPENTER.

866
00:33:42,889 --> 00:33:52,565
**

867
00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:56,202
* YOU SAID YOUR

868
00:33:56,202 --> 00:33:58,371
PHONE WAS BROKEN

869
00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:00,040
JUST FORGOT TO CHARGE IT *

870
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,243
* WHOLE OUTFIT

871
00:34:03,243 --> 00:34:06,513
YOU'RE WEARING

872
00:34:06,513 --> 00:34:08,715
GOD I HOPE IT'S IRONIC *

873
00:34:08,715 --> 00:34:10,884
* DID YOU JUST SAY

874
00:34:10,884 --> 00:34:12,052
YOU'RE FINISHED

875
00:34:12,052 --> 00:34:12,652
DIDN'T KNOW WE STARTED *

876
00:34:12,652 --> 00:34:13,620
* IT'S ALL JUST

877
00:34:13,620 --> 00:34:14,688
SO FAMILIAR BABY

878
00:34:14,688 --> 00:34:15,755
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT *

879
00:34:15,755 --> 00:34:17,390
* STUPID

880
00:34:17,390 --> 00:34:20,126
OR IS IT SLOW

881
00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:22,295
MAYBE IT'S USELESS *

882
00:34:22,295 --> 00:34:23,496
* BUT THERE'S A

883
00:34:23,496 --> 00:34:25,065
CUTER WORD FOR IT

884
00:34:25,065 --> 00:34:27,233
I KNOW *

885
00:34:27,233 --> 00:34:30,503
* MANCHILD

886
00:34:30,503 --> 00:34:32,105
WHY YOU ALWAYS

887
00:34:32,105 --> 00:34:35,408
COME A-RUNNING TO ME *

888
00:34:35,408 --> 00:34:38,111
* EFF MY LIFE

889
00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:40,780
WON'T YOU LET AN

890
00:34:40,780 --> 00:34:43,516
INNOCENT WOMAN BE *

891
00:34:43,516 --> 00:34:46,252
* NEVER HEARD OF SELF-CARE

892
00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:48,388
HALF YOUR BRAIN

893
00:34:48,388 --> 00:34:51,658
JUST AIN'T THERE *

894
00:34:51,658 --> 00:34:53,860
* MANCHILD

895
00:34:53,860 --> 00:34:54,928
WHY YOU ALWAYS

896
00:34:54,928 --> 00:34:56,096
COME A-RUNNING *

897
00:34:56,096 --> 00:34:57,130
* TAKING ALL MY LOVING

898
00:34:57,130 --> 00:35:00,900
FROM ME *

899
00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:06,906
**

900
00:35:06,906 --> 00:35:10,176
* WHY SO SEXY IF SO DUMB

901
00:35:10,176 --> 00:35:12,345
AND HOW SURVIVE THE

902
00:35:12,345 --> 00:35:14,514
EARTH SO LONG *

903
00:35:14,514 --> 00:35:16,182
* IF I'M NOT THERE

904
00:35:16,182 --> 00:35:19,419
IT WON'T GET DONE

905
00:35:19,419 --> 00:35:21,588
I CHOOSE TO BLAME YOUR MOM *

906
00:35:21,588 --> 00:35:24,290
* MANCHILD

907
00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:25,925
WHY YOU ALWAYS

908
00:35:25,925 --> 00:35:28,661
COME A-RUNNING TO ME *

909
00:35:28,661 --> 00:35:31,364
* EFF MY LIFE

910
00:35:31,364 --> 00:35:34,134
WON'T YOU LET AN

911
00:35:34,134 --> 00:35:36,836
INNOCENT WOMAN BE *

912
00:35:36,836 --> 00:35:40,073
* NEVER HEARD OF SELF-CARE

913
00:35:40,073 --> 00:35:41,708
HALF YOUR BRAIN

914
00:35:41,708 --> 00:35:44,444
JUST AIN'T THERE *

915
00:35:44,444 --> 00:35:48,748
* MANCHILD

916
00:35:48,748 --> 00:35:49,849
WHY YOU ALWAYS

917
00:35:49,849 --> 00:35:52,585
COME A-RUNNING *

918
00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:54,187
* TAKING ALL MY LOVING

919
00:35:54,187 --> 00:35:55,288
FROM ME *

920
00:35:55,288 --> 00:35:56,356
* OH I LIKE MY BOYS

921
00:35:56,356 --> 00:35:57,457
PLAYING HARD TO GET

922
00:35:57,457 --> 00:35:58,625
AND I LIKE MY MEN

923
00:35:58,625 --> 00:36:00,727
ALL INCOMPETENT *

924
00:36:00,727 --> 00:36:04,030
* AND I SWEAR THEY CHOOSE ME

925
00:36:04,030 --> 00:36:05,598
I'M NOT CHOOSING THEM

926
00:36:05,598 --> 00:36:08,301
AMEN, SING IT, HEY MEN *

927
00:36:08,301 --> 00:36:09,936
* OH I LIKE MY BOYS

928
00:36:09,936 --> 00:36:12,105
PLAYING HARD TO GET

929
00:36:12,105 --> 00:36:13,740
AND I LIKE MY MEN

930
00:36:13,740 --> 00:36:15,909
ALL INCOMPETENT *

931
00:36:15,909 --> 00:36:18,078
* AND I SWEAR THEY CHOOSE ME

932
00:36:18,078 --> 00:36:21,881
I'M NOT CHOOSING THEM

933
00:36:21,881 --> 00:36:24,584
AMEN, HEY MEN *

934
00:36:24,584 --> 00:36:27,854
* MANCHILD

935
00:36:27,854 --> 00:36:28,955
WHY YOU ALWAYS

936
00:36:28,955 --> 00:36:31,157
COME A-RUNNING TO ME *

937
00:36:31,157 --> 00:36:34,928
* EFF MY LIFE

938
00:36:34,928 --> 00:36:37,664
WON'T YOU LET AN

939
00:36:37,664 --> 00:36:39,799
INNOCENT WOMAN BE *

940
00:36:39,799 --> 00:36:41,434
* OH I LIKE MY BOYS

941
00:36:41,434 --> 00:36:43,069
PLAYING HARD TO GET

942
00:36:43,069 --> 00:36:45,271
AND I LIKE MY MEN

943
00:36:45,271 --> 00:36:47,440
ALL INCOMPETENT *

944
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,075
* AND I SWEAR THEY CHOOSE ME

945
00:36:49,075 --> 00:36:52,379
I'M NOT CHOOSING THEM

946
00:36:52,379 --> 00:36:57,617
AMEN, HEY MEN *

947
00:36:57,617 --> 00:36:57,917
YEAH.

948
00:36:57,917 --> 00:37:13,500
**

949
00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:27,347
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

950
00:37:40,860 --> 00:37:42,395
It's Weekend Update

951
00:37:42,395 --> 00:37:45,398
with Colin Jost and Michael Che.

952
00:37:52,572 --> 00:37:53,440
Thank you.

953
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,541
Good evening. Everyone.

954
00:37:54,541 --> 00:37:56,276
Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm
Michael che.

955
00:37:56,276 --> 00:37:57,711
I'm Colin Jost.

956
00:37:57,711 --> 00:38:01,481
Well yesterday
president Trump finally released

957
00:38:01,681 --> 00:38:04,684
what everyone
has been asking him to release.

958
00:38:04,684 --> 00:38:07,487
Jorge Santos,

959
00:38:07,487 --> 00:38:09,422
the former
Republican congressman

960
00:38:09,422 --> 00:38:13,393
who had pled guilty to fraud
and something called aggravated

961
00:38:13,393 --> 00:38:15,028
identity theft,

962
00:38:15,028 --> 00:38:16,363
which I think is
when you push someone

963
00:38:16,363 --> 00:38:19,432
into a closet and switch clothes
with them, is

964
00:38:19,432 --> 00:38:22,469
now free and we'll face
zero consequences.

965
00:38:22,602 --> 00:38:25,305
But Santos says that
he's a changed man,

966
00:38:25,305 --> 00:38:28,274
and he even released a photo
of his new prison body.

967
00:38:31,411 --> 00:38:34,414
Low demand Zelinski has said
that if President Trump provides

968
00:38:34,414 --> 00:38:36,182
Ukraine with Tomahawk missiles,

969
00:38:36,182 --> 00:38:39,185
he will nominate Trump
for a Nobel Peace Prize.

970
00:38:39,185 --> 00:38:41,755
You know the prize they give
you for selling missiles.

971
00:38:43,123 --> 00:38:46,126
There was outrage this
week over a leaked group chat

972
00:38:46,126 --> 00:38:48,828
between Republican leaders,
which praised Hitler

973
00:38:48,828 --> 00:38:51,931
and referred to black Americans
as watermelon people.

974
00:38:52,165 --> 00:38:55,168
The chat was named Juice Family.

975
00:38:59,873 --> 00:39:02,742
Oh, what did I do to you?

976
00:39:02,742 --> 00:39:05,011
While traveling on Air Force
One to the Middle East

977
00:39:05,011 --> 00:39:06,546
to celebrate the cease fire.

978
00:39:06,546 --> 00:39:08,415
President Trump told reporters,

979
00:39:08,415 --> 00:39:09,783
I don't think there's anything

980
00:39:09,783 --> 00:39:12,185
that's
going to get me into heaven.

981
00:39:12,185 --> 00:39:14,487
Then he paused
for ten full minutes,

982
00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:17,490
waiting for someone to say,
that's not true,

983
00:39:18,792 --> 00:39:20,493
because Trump can't
go to heaven.

984
00:39:20,493 --> 00:39:23,496
He's far too busy down here
running hell.

985
00:39:25,598 --> 00:39:28,034
President Trump
announced that another alleged

986
00:39:28,034 --> 00:39:29,869
drug smuggling
boat from Venezuela

987
00:39:29,869 --> 00:39:32,539
has been blown out of the water
without warning.

988
00:39:32,539 --> 00:39:33,540
And you may not think

989
00:39:33,606 --> 00:39:36,776
that's a big deal right now,
but one day soon, you'll

990
00:39:36,776 --> 00:39:39,212
look at yourself in the mirror
and realize

991
00:39:39,212 --> 00:39:40,213
you're out of cocaine.

992
00:39:45,051 --> 00:39:47,354
President Trump criticized time
magazine

993
00:39:47,354 --> 00:39:50,323
for using a bad picture of him
on the cover,

994
00:39:50,623 --> 00:39:53,626
saying, quote,
they disappeared my hair.

995
00:39:54,494 --> 00:39:56,296
And I gotta agree, that thing do

996
00:39:56,296 --> 00:39:59,299
look waxed.

997
00:40:01,668 --> 00:40:06,006
Oh, John Bolton,
who wants people

998
00:40:06,006 --> 00:40:09,009
to stop coming up to him
to order chicken,

999
00:40:10,076 --> 00:40:12,012
has become the third person on

1000
00:40:12,012 --> 00:40:15,015
President Trump's
enemies list to be indicted.

1001
00:40:15,281 --> 00:40:15,749
And you know,

1002
00:40:16,483 --> 00:40:18,952
you are living your life, right
when you keep an actual list

1003
00:40:18,952 --> 00:40:20,086
of your enemies.

1004
00:40:20,086 --> 00:40:23,089
At least that's
what my therapist told me.

1005
00:40:23,156 --> 00:40:26,159
So now she's on the list to.

1006
00:40:28,728 --> 00:40:32,365
Hundreds of people in Portland
sent a message to Ice to leave

1007
00:40:32,365 --> 00:40:35,969
their city by riding their bikes
naked through the rain.

1008
00:40:36,336 --> 00:40:37,871
And you're
not going to believe this.

1009
00:40:37,871 --> 00:40:40,874
It didn't work.

1010
00:40:43,109 --> 00:40:44,277
A new report shows

1011
00:40:44,277 --> 00:40:47,414
that of the nearly 100 Trump
nominees confirmed

1012
00:40:47,414 --> 00:40:50,383
by the Senate,
only two of them were black.

1013
00:40:50,483 --> 00:40:51,985
Two black people out of 100.

1014
00:40:51,985 --> 00:40:53,687
I mean, what
is this? My Tinder matches?

1015
00:40:56,122 --> 00:40:58,091
Nope.

1016
00:40:58,091 --> 00:41:00,794
I like the Argentine president,

1017
00:41:00,794 --> 00:41:04,597
Javier Melaye, seen here asking
if he makes you horny.

1018
00:41:04,597 --> 00:41:06,700
Baby.

1019
00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:09,135
Met with President Trump
at the white House

1020
00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:10,136
this week, where Trump

1021
00:41:10,136 --> 00:41:13,973
announced he's sending
$40 billion to Argentina.

1022
00:41:14,274 --> 00:41:17,344
Because if history is any guide,
a lot of Trump officials

1023
00:41:17,344 --> 00:41:20,347
will end up fleeing
to Argentina.

1024
00:41:23,683 --> 00:41:26,653
Hey, one clap.

1025
00:41:27,253 --> 00:41:29,422
In the clinch, on the other
side.

1026
00:41:29,422 --> 00:41:29,656
In it.

1027
00:41:30,490 --> 00:41:33,126
Clinching in the clinching
game of the NLCS, Dodgers

1028
00:41:33,126 --> 00:41:36,129
star Shohei
Ohtani pitched six scoreless

1029
00:41:36,129 --> 00:41:39,833
innings, struck out ten batters,
then hit three home runs.

1030
00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:41,501
It is a scene.

1031
00:41:41,501 --> 00:41:44,204
It is a feat
previously only accomplished

1032
00:41:44,204 --> 00:41:47,173
by Jorge Santos.

1033
00:41:48,241 --> 00:41:50,477
During the first New York
mayoral debate, Andrew

1034
00:41:50,477 --> 00:41:54,314
Cuomo attacked Zoran Mamdani,
saying that he once gave

1035
00:41:54,314 --> 00:41:58,118
the finger to the Columbus Day
statue, whereas Cuomo

1036
00:41:58,118 --> 00:42:00,220
snuck up behind the statue
and grabbed him by the hips.

1037
00:42:06,693 --> 00:42:12,298
IT'S SCARY MOVIE SEASON.

1038
00:42:12,298 --> 00:42:13,366
THE RESIDENT CINEPHILE, THE

1039
00:42:13,366 --> 00:42:16,970
MOVIE GUY.

1040
00:42:16,970 --> 00:42:18,071
>> HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING

1041
00:42:18,071 --> 00:42:18,371
TONIGHT?

1042
00:42:18,505 --> 00:42:19,639
I'M THE MOVIE GUY.

1043
00:42:19,639 --> 00:42:20,707
I'M HERE TALKING ABOUT SCARY

1044
00:42:20,707 --> 00:42:21,808
MOVIES.

1045
00:42:21,808 --> 00:42:28,114
OOH.

1046
00:42:28,114 --> 00:42:28,915
>> OKAY.

1047
00:42:28,915 --> 00:42:29,616
ALL RIGHT.

1048
00:42:29,616 --> 00:42:30,650
SCARY MOVIES.

1049
00:42:30,650 --> 00:42:31,317
MOVIE GUY, LET'S START WITH

1050
00:42:31,317 --> 00:42:32,252
"BLACK PHONE 2," JUST CAME OUT

1051
00:42:32,252 --> 00:42:33,887
THIS WEEKEND.

1052
00:42:33,887 --> 00:42:37,190
>> OH, YEAH, "BLACK PHONE 2,"

1053
00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:39,959
RING RING, HELLO, OH, NO, SORRY,

1054
00:42:39,959 --> 00:42:41,995
YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER

1055
00:42:41,995 --> 00:42:45,365
BECAUSE I HAVE NOT SEEN THAT ONE

1056
00:42:45,365 --> 00:42:45,765
YET.

1057
00:42:45,932 --> 00:42:47,000
>> OKAY, WELL I GUESS IT

1058
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:47,801
JUST CAME OUT.

1059
00:42:47,801 --> 00:42:51,371
WHAT ABOUT THE BIGGEST HORROR

1060
00:42:51,371 --> 00:42:51,871
MOVIE OF THE YEAR,

1061
00:42:51,871 --> 00:42:52,605
"WEAPONS."

1062
00:42:52,605 --> 00:42:53,340
>> YEAH, "WEAPONS," THAT WAS A

1063
00:42:53,340 --> 00:42:54,207
VERY BIG MOVIE.

1064
00:42:54,207 --> 00:42:57,510
EVERYBODY SAW "WEAPONS," AND I

1065
00:42:57,510 --> 00:42:58,345
HAVE TO TELL YOU, I WAS

1066
00:42:58,345 --> 00:42:59,346
NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

1067
00:42:59,346 --> 00:43:00,413
>> DO YOU EVEN LIKE SCARY

1068
00:43:00,413 --> 00:43:01,514
MOVIES?

1069
00:43:01,514 --> 00:43:03,149
>> I LOVE SCARY MOVIES BECAUSE

1070
00:43:03,149 --> 00:43:04,217
IN THE TITLE THEY TELL YOU WHAT

1071
00:43:04,217 --> 00:43:05,885
GOING TO HAPPEN.

1072
00:43:05,885 --> 00:43:06,953
LIKE "SCREAM."

1073
00:43:06,953 --> 00:43:10,223
EVERYBODY SCREAM.

1074
00:43:10,223 --> 00:43:12,392
"SMILE," EVERYBODY SMILE.

1075
00:43:12,392 --> 00:43:18,331
AND "SAW."

1076
00:43:18,331 --> 00:43:22,569
EVERYBODY SAW EXCEPT ME, I DID

1077
00:43:22,569 --> 00:43:24,304
NOT SEE "SAW."

1078
00:43:24,304 --> 00:43:25,972
>> HOW ABOUT CLASSIC HORROR

1079
00:43:25,972 --> 00:43:30,610
MOVIES LIKE "THE EXORCIST"?

1080
00:43:30,610 --> 00:43:35,548
>> THAT'S ABOUT A SCARY CHILD.

1081
00:43:35,548 --> 00:43:36,883
YOU KNOW WHO IS THE SCARIEST

1082
00:43:36,883 --> 00:43:37,183
CHILD?

1083
00:43:37,183 --> 00:43:37,851
STEWIE.

1084
00:43:37,851 --> 00:43:38,385
>> WHO?

1085
00:43:38,385 --> 00:43:41,921
>> STEWIE.

1086
00:43:41,921 --> 00:43:42,889
>> TOOEY?

1087
00:43:42,889 --> 00:43:45,959
>> STEWIE GRIFFITH.

1088
00:43:45,959 --> 00:43:46,726
COME ON.

1089
00:43:46,726 --> 00:43:50,196
HIS FATHER IS FAT, HIS MOTHER IS

1090
00:43:50,196 --> 00:43:53,199
SKINNY, AND SHE ALWAYS GETTING

1091
00:43:53,199 --> 00:43:54,100
MAD AT HIM.

1092
00:43:54,100 --> 00:43:55,101
I CAN SEE WHY, HIS HEAD LOOKS

1093
00:43:55,101 --> 00:43:58,905
LIKE A VAGINA DESTROYER.

1094
00:43:58,905 --> 00:44:02,809
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

1095
00:44:02,809 --> 00:44:05,078
>> I'M TALKING ABOUT SCARY

1096
00:44:05,078 --> 00:44:05,512
MOVIES MAN.

1097
00:44:05,512 --> 00:44:09,582
>> NOT REALLY.

1098
00:44:09,582 --> 00:44:11,618
>> WHAT MOVIE IS REALLY SCARY,

1099
00:44:11,618 --> 00:44:12,052
THE ONE WITH

1100
00:44:12,052 --> 00:44:12,686
MICHAEL MYERS.

1101
00:44:12,686 --> 00:44:14,320
>> "HALLOWEEN."

1102
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,590
>> NO, "SHREK."

1103
00:44:17,590 --> 00:44:19,192
THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT EVERY MAN'S

1104
00:44:19,192 --> 00:44:21,928
BIGGEST FEAR.

1105
00:44:21,928 --> 00:44:23,563
YOU GO TO SLEEP WITH A BEAUTIFUL

1106
00:44:23,563 --> 00:44:25,765
WOMAN AND THEN YOU WAKE UP AND

1107
00:44:25,765 --> 00:44:30,303
GO HOW DRUNK WAS I LAST NIGHT?

1108
00:44:30,303 --> 00:44:32,072
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

1109
00:44:32,072 --> 00:44:32,739
COLIN.

1110
00:44:32,739 --> 00:44:34,607
YOU KNOW.

1111
00:44:34,607 --> 00:44:35,141
YOU KNOW.

1112
00:44:35,275 --> 00:44:37,844
>> LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS, OKAY?

1113
00:44:37,844 --> 00:44:42,816
CAN WE FOCUS ON SCARY MOVIES.

1114
00:44:42,816 --> 00:44:43,450
"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST

1115
00:44:43,450 --> 00:44:44,417
SUMMER."

1116
00:44:44,417 --> 00:44:44,951
>> WHAT DID I DO?

1117
00:44:44,951 --> 00:44:47,854
>> I DON'T KNOW.

1118
00:44:47,854 --> 00:44:49,422
>> SO WHOA WOULD YOU SAY

1119
00:44:49,422 --> 00:44:49,989
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

1120
00:44:50,090 --> 00:44:50,990
>> WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIE "IT"?

1121
00:44:50,990 --> 00:44:57,464
>> I DID NOT SEE THAT.

1122
00:44:57,464 --> 00:44:57,864
>> "ALIEN"?

1123
00:44:58,131 --> 00:44:59,299
>> NO COLIN, I'M AN AMERICAN

1124
00:44:59,299 --> 00:45:04,170
CITIZEN.

1125
00:45:04,170 --> 00:45:05,071
>> ALL RIGHT.

1126
00:45:05,071 --> 00:45:07,107
MOVIE GUY, I FEEL LIKE I

1127
00:45:07,107 --> 00:45:09,909
SHOULD HAVE SAID THIS TWO

1128
00:45:09,909 --> 00:45:10,844
MINUTES AGO, BUT IT'S

1129
00:45:10,844 --> 00:45:11,411
TIME TO WRAP THIS UP.

1130
00:45:11,411 --> 00:45:12,879
>> OKAY.

1131
00:45:12,879 --> 00:45:13,813
BUT BEFORE I GO, CAN I DO A

1132
00:45:13,813 --> 00:45:15,949
JOKE?

1133
00:45:15,949 --> 00:45:18,518
>> SURE, YOU CAN TELL A JOKE.

1134
00:45:18,518 --> 00:45:18,818
GREAT.

1135
00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:19,552
>> OKAY, THIS IS A JOKE ABOUT A

1136
00:45:19,753 --> 00:45:21,054
SCARY MOVIE FROM 2008.

1137
00:45:21,054 --> 00:45:24,290
OKAY?

1138
00:45:24,290 --> 00:45:25,959
THE MOVIE IS CALLED "ONE MISSED

1139
00:45:25,959 --> 00:45:27,060
CALL."

1140
00:45:27,060 --> 00:45:27,761
IN THIS MOVIE, THE PHONE RINGS,

1141
00:45:27,761 --> 00:45:28,628
AND IF YOU DON'T PICK IT UP, YOU

1142
00:45:28,628 --> 00:45:31,931
DIE.

1143
00:45:31,931 --> 00:45:33,066
AND I'M LIKE, IS THIS MOVIE

1144
00:45:33,066 --> 00:45:35,168
ABOUT MY MOTHER?

1145
00:45:35,168 --> 00:45:37,370
AM I RIGHT, GUYS?

1146
00:45:37,370 --> 00:45:38,972
>> MOVIE GUY, EVERYONE.

1147
00:45:38,972 --> 00:45:46,312
>> HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

1148
00:45:51,551 --> 00:45:55,088
Skims has introduced a new line
of thong underwear called

1149
00:45:55,088 --> 00:45:58,558
Ultimate Bush, which features
synthetic pubic hair,

1150
00:45:58,725 --> 00:46:01,728
and I know a guy
who could wear it as a scarf.

1151
00:46:04,798 --> 00:46:06,266
Okay,

1152
00:46:06,266 --> 00:46:08,802
retailers are saying
that the top kids costumes

1153
00:46:08,802 --> 00:46:11,805
for Halloween this year
are the K-pop Demon Hunters.

1154
00:46:12,038 --> 00:46:15,442
Or as it's sold at spirit
Halloween, Asians singing

1155
00:46:15,442 --> 00:46:18,445
murderers.

1156
00:46:22,349 --> 00:46:23,049
Visitors

1157
00:46:23,416 --> 00:46:26,319
to the San Diego Zoo's gorilla
exhibit were startled

1158
00:46:26,319 --> 00:46:30,757
when one of the apes
shattered the glass ceiling. Oh.

1159
00:46:34,928 --> 00:46:35,562
Inspiring.

1160
00:46:35,695 --> 00:46:38,231
So I'm proud of the ape
inspired.

1161
00:46:38,231 --> 00:46:39,966
Britain's Prince Andrew
announced

1162
00:46:39,966 --> 00:46:41,935
that after a discussion
with King Charles

1163
00:46:41,935 --> 00:46:43,837
about his friendship
with Jeffrey Epstein,

1164
00:46:43,837 --> 00:46:46,706
he will stop using his royal
title Duke of York

1165
00:46:46,706 --> 00:46:49,743
and instead will go
by the King of Kinston, Jareth.

1166
00:46:54,647 --> 00:46:57,650
I'm proud of that. So.

1167
00:46:58,251 --> 00:47:00,387
Do it.

1168
00:47:00,387 --> 00:47:02,756
Officials are saying this year's
fall foliage

1169
00:47:02,756 --> 00:47:06,292
season will end sooner
and will have more muted colors.

1170
00:47:06,626 --> 00:47:07,127
Cool.

1171
00:47:07,327 --> 00:47:10,130
Guess I'll just kill myself in.

1172
00:47:13,933 --> 00:47:15,035
What happened to you, man?

1173
00:47:15,168 --> 00:47:19,873
Doctors in China transplanted
a genetically modified pig liver

1174
00:47:20,173 --> 00:47:24,110
into a man who lived for 171
days after the procedure.

1175
00:47:24,377 --> 00:47:26,746
The liver will now be sent
to a special facility

1176
00:47:26,746 --> 00:47:29,749
for experimental animal organs.

1177
00:47:35,221 --> 00:47:36,222
You okay, buddy?

1178
00:47:36,222 --> 00:47:37,424
Yeah, I'm doing great.

1179
00:47:37,424 --> 00:47:40,126
Census data shows
that New York is ranked

1180
00:47:40,126 --> 00:47:43,129
as one of the states
for most residents moving out.

1181
00:47:43,363 --> 00:47:45,532
Here to talk about that
is someone who just moved in.

1182
00:47:45,532 --> 00:47:48,201
New cast
member Tommy Brennan. Hi.

1183
00:47:50,136 --> 00:47:51,705
Hi, Colin.

1184
00:47:51,705 --> 00:47:52,939
Hey, Tommy. Welcome.

1185
00:47:52,939 --> 00:47:55,308
So you just moved to New York.
What do you think so far?

1186
00:47:55,308 --> 00:47:57,444
Well, it's
a little different from home.

1187
00:47:57,444 --> 00:47:58,511
I'm from the Midwest.

1188
00:47:58,511 --> 00:47:59,379
Not sure if you can tell

1189
00:47:59,546 --> 00:48:02,382
from my kind eyes
and secret drinking problem, but

1190
00:48:03,316 --> 00:48:05,719
I'm from, like,
a big Minnesotan family.

1191
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:07,120
I'm one of eight kids.

1192
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:09,089
Eight kids? Wow.
You do not see that a lot.

1193
00:48:09,089 --> 00:48:12,425
Yeah, I think probably
because it's the wrong choice.

1194
00:48:12,792 --> 00:48:15,795
Like it is too many kids.

1195
00:48:15,862 --> 00:48:17,263
You know, I know that

1196
00:48:17,263 --> 00:48:20,233
we had a cafeteria style milk
machine at home.

1197
00:48:20,834 --> 00:48:21,935
We had a milkman.

1198
00:48:21,935 --> 00:48:24,604
Tim the milkman was like
a big part of my life.

1199
00:48:24,604 --> 00:48:26,306
He'd show up, he'd
replace the milk.

1200
00:48:26,306 --> 00:48:27,874
We'd play catch,
he'd call me son.

1201
00:48:27,874 --> 00:48:29,576
I'd be like,
why do I look so much like you?

1202
00:48:31,878 --> 00:48:32,712
It's.

1203
00:48:32,846 --> 00:48:34,848
It sounds like you grew up
in, like, the 1930s.

1204
00:48:34,848 --> 00:48:37,851
Well, yeah, I didn't, but
I do kind of look like I did,

1205
00:48:38,885 --> 00:48:42,088
like, I look like a locket photo
during World War one.

1206
00:48:43,623 --> 00:48:44,858
You know, like,
I looked like a guy

1207
00:48:44,858 --> 00:48:47,861
who was really good
at football integration.

1208
00:48:51,464 --> 00:48:53,933
I, I will I will say.

1209
00:48:53,933 --> 00:48:55,869
I will say
I think the way I grew up

1210
00:48:55,869 --> 00:48:57,737
has really helped me
adjust to New York.

1211
00:48:57,737 --> 00:49:00,740
Like everyone
says, public transit is wild.

1212
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,910
But for my entire entire
childhood, the ten of us

1213
00:49:03,910 --> 00:49:06,913
rode around in a seven seater
Chevy Astro van.

1214
00:49:07,047 --> 00:49:08,348
So anywhere we drove, it

1215
00:49:08,348 --> 00:49:11,217
kind of looked like
we were being trafficked.

1216
00:49:11,217 --> 00:49:12,585
So I love the subway.

1217
00:49:12,585 --> 00:49:13,553
I can hang down there.

1218
00:49:13,653 --> 00:49:15,855
I've been watching people jump
over those turnstiles.

1219
00:49:15,855 --> 00:49:17,023
And today

1220
00:49:17,090 --> 00:49:20,794
I finally worked up the courage
and I jump my first one. Hey.

1221
00:49:21,861 --> 00:49:23,263
Man. Congrats, buddy.

1222
00:49:23,263 --> 00:49:25,665
Jumped your first turnstile.
Yeah. It was, it was cool.

1223
00:49:25,665 --> 00:49:27,734
It was exhilarating
and thrilling.

1224
00:49:27,734 --> 00:49:30,704
It was,
it was on the way out, but.

1225
00:49:32,405 --> 00:49:33,206
Like, it felt good.

1226
00:49:33,206 --> 00:49:35,241
It still, it counts, you know?

1227
00:49:35,241 --> 00:49:36,643
Yeah. It counts. It counts.

1228
00:49:36,643 --> 00:49:39,612
You're a good boy.

1229
00:49:40,947 --> 00:49:41,481
Sure.

1230
00:49:41,481 --> 00:49:43,216
Yeah.

1231
00:49:43,216 --> 00:49:44,651
Yeah. I'm a good boy.

1232
00:49:44,651 --> 00:49:46,052
I guess

1233
00:49:46,052 --> 00:49:46,519
I'm just.

1234
00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:47,954
I'm just, like, really scared of

1235
00:49:47,954 --> 00:49:50,957
being in trouble all the time
because I grew up Catholic,

1236
00:49:50,957 --> 00:49:52,926
which means I grew up, like,
feeling guilty.

1237
00:49:52,926 --> 00:49:55,428
But I never knew what for.

1238
00:49:55,428 --> 00:49:56,129
Because when.

1239
00:49:56,463 --> 00:49:58,131
When you're a kid,
when you grow up Catholic, like,

1240
00:49:58,131 --> 00:49:59,566
the only sins you really know

1241
00:49:59,566 --> 00:50:02,102
are like breaking
the Ten Commandments.

1242
00:50:02,102 --> 00:50:03,403
Don't steal, don't kill.

1243
00:50:03,403 --> 00:50:05,805
You have the right to bear arms
or whatever.

1244
00:50:05,805 --> 00:50:08,742
And, And so I never really knew
what to say,

1245
00:50:08,742 --> 00:50:10,477
like in confession,
because I couldn't confess

1246
00:50:10,477 --> 00:50:13,546
the one sin that me
and every other 12 year old boy

1247
00:50:13,546 --> 00:50:15,582
was committing constantly.

1248
00:50:15,582 --> 00:50:18,018
You know what I referred
to back then as Tommy Time?

1249
00:50:19,586 --> 00:50:21,955
You know, shucking my corn.

1250
00:50:21,955 --> 00:50:24,924
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I get, like, a confession.

1251
00:50:24,924 --> 00:50:26,026
I couldn't be like,
yeah, I've been going

1252
00:50:26,026 --> 00:50:28,028
to town on myself lately.

1253
00:50:28,028 --> 00:50:29,996
It's kind of all I do, honestly.
It's.

1254
00:50:29,996 --> 00:50:31,398
It's consuming my life, father.

1255
00:50:31,398 --> 00:50:33,266
And if I wasn't in here, that's
what I'd be doing.

1256
00:50:33,266 --> 00:50:35,602
And I can't say that
because any of you, like,

1257
00:50:35,602 --> 00:50:36,369
you can do it in here.

1258
00:50:36,369 --> 00:50:39,372
I'm doing it.

1259
00:50:41,474 --> 00:50:41,741
For you.

1260
00:50:42,242 --> 00:50:44,444
Get out
of here. I'm not messing.

1261
00:51:00,093 --> 00:51:01,261
>>> OKAY, NEXT TIME I GUESS.

1262
00:51:01,261 --> 00:51:02,128
HEY FOLKS, YOU LOOKING FOR A NEW

1263
00:51:02,128 --> 00:51:04,497
WASHER AND DRYER?

1264
00:51:04,497 --> 00:51:05,965
>> YES.

1265
00:51:05,965 --> 00:51:06,433
>> ABSOLUTELY.

1266
00:51:06,666 --> 00:51:08,134
>> FEAR NOT, WE HAVE PLENTY OF

1267
00:51:08,134 --> 00:51:10,470
GREAT OPTIONS FOR YOU.

1268
00:51:10,470 --> 00:51:13,073
WE HAVE THIS GREAT ECOFRIENDLY

1269
00:51:13,073 --> 00:51:13,673
MODEL HERE.

1270
00:51:13,673 --> 00:51:15,575
AND WHEN IT'S DONE, IT DOES THIS

1271
00:51:15,575 --> 00:51:19,746
FUN LITTLE JINGLE.

1272
00:51:19,746 --> 00:51:20,580
**

1273
00:51:20,580 --> 00:51:23,483
>> IT IS A FUN JINGLE, WOULDN'T

1274
00:51:23,483 --> 00:51:24,951
MIND GETTING THAT STUCK IN MY

1275
00:51:24,951 --> 00:51:25,251
HEAD.

1276
00:51:25,652 --> 00:51:25,985
>> YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD GET

1277
00:51:26,219 --> 00:51:26,586
STUCK IN OUR HEAD, OUR

1278
00:51:26,820 --> 00:51:27,554
ANNIVERSARY, IT'S TODAY.

1279
00:51:27,554 --> 00:51:28,655
>> ONCE YOU CHEATED, I CHOSE TO

1280
00:51:28,655 --> 00:51:34,828
FORGET.

1281
00:51:34,828 --> 00:51:37,530
>> WELL, WE ALSO HAVE THIS LG

1282
00:51:37,530 --> 00:51:37,831
MODEL.

1283
00:51:38,231 --> 00:51:38,565
IT'S 50% OFF AND WHEN IT'S DONE,

1284
00:51:38,698 --> 00:51:39,165
YOU'LL HEAR THIS.

1285
00:51:39,399 --> 00:51:39,899
>> OH, HALF OFF, THAT'S GREAT.

1286
00:51:40,100 --> 00:51:40,800
>> YEAH, BUT DOESN'T HAVE THAT

1287
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:41,901
JINGLE.

1288
00:51:41,901 --> 00:51:43,503
I REALLY LIKED THAT.

1289
00:51:43,503 --> 00:51:45,138
>> WELL, IF IT'S A JINGLE YOU

1290
00:51:45,138 --> 00:51:48,408
CRAVE, I DO HAVE THIS SPECIAL

1291
00:51:48,408 --> 00:51:49,509
WASHER AND DRYER DUO, I DON'T

1292
00:51:49,509 --> 00:51:52,746
SHOW THESE TO JUST ANYONE.

1293
00:51:52,746 --> 00:51:55,482
**

1294
00:51:55,482 --> 00:51:56,549
* YOUR CLOTHES ARE DONE YOUR

1295
00:51:56,549 --> 00:51:57,650
CLOTHES ARE DONE *

1296
00:51:57,650 --> 00:51:58,752
* I WET THEM AND I WASHED THEM

1297
00:51:58,752 --> 00:51:59,819
AND YOUR CLOTHES *

1298
00:51:59,819 --> 00:52:03,089
* ARE DONE I'M THE WASHER I'M

1299
00:52:03,089 --> 00:52:05,258
THE DRYER *

1300
00:52:05,258 --> 00:52:06,359
* WE WASHED ALL YOUR CLOTHES GOT

1301
00:52:06,359 --> 00:52:07,460
THE STAINS RIGHT OUT *

1302
00:52:07,460 --> 00:52:08,528
* AND THEY'RE ALMOST TOTALLY

1303
00:52:08,528 --> 00:52:14,601
DRY *

1304
00:52:14,601 --> 00:52:15,669
>> OKAY.

1305
00:52:15,669 --> 00:52:15,969
WHOA.

1306
00:52:16,169 --> 00:52:17,404
I REALLY LIKED THAT.

1307
00:52:17,404 --> 00:52:17,771
KIND OF A

1308
00:52:17,904 --> 00:52:20,340
SWINGING '20s VIBE.

1309
00:52:20,340 --> 00:52:20,707
VERY FUN.

1310
00:52:21,074 --> 00:52:21,441
>> I DON'T KNOW, AT THE END THEY

1311
00:52:21,675 --> 00:52:22,108
SAID CLOTHES WILL BE ALMOST

1312
00:52:22,108 --> 00:52:22,542
TOTALLY DRY.

1313
00:52:22,542 --> 00:52:26,680
SEEMS BAD.

1314
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,949
>> MM-HMM, TELL ME MA'AM, DO YOU

1315
00:52:29,949 --> 00:52:31,584
EVER WASH DELICATES?

1316
00:52:31,584 --> 00:52:32,619
>> YES, ACTUALLY.

1317
00:52:32,619 --> 00:52:35,088
WHEN HE GOES OUT OF TOWN, I

1318
00:52:35,088 --> 00:52:38,858
TEND TO WASH A LOT OF DELICATES.

1319
00:52:38,858 --> 00:52:41,561
* OH, CHILD COME REST YOUR WEARY

1320
00:52:41,561 --> 00:52:49,736
HEAD *

1321
00:52:49,736 --> 00:52:53,540
* OH, CHILD I'LL BE DELICATE *

1322
00:52:53,540 --> 00:52:54,607
>> WE ATE TWO OF YOUR SHIRTS!

1323
00:52:54,607 --> 00:52:58,411
>> YUM!

1324
00:52:58,411 --> 00:53:02,048
>> WOW, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

1325
00:53:02,048 --> 00:53:04,317
>> LOOK, SIR, I'LL BE FRANK, I

1326
00:53:04,317 --> 00:53:06,886
TEND TO EAT A LOT OF SPAGHETTI

1327
00:53:06,886 --> 00:53:08,888
ON MY BICYCLE, HOW IS THE POWER

1328
00:53:08,888 --> 00:53:09,889
WASH SETTING?

1329
00:53:09,889 --> 00:53:13,093
>> YOU TELL ME.

1330
00:53:13,093 --> 00:53:17,964
* GIMME THAT POWER WASH *

1331
00:53:17,964 --> 00:53:19,065
>> OH, PERFECT, THAT'S HOW LONG

1332
00:53:19,065 --> 00:53:22,335
THEY ALL SHOULD BE.

1333
00:53:22,335 --> 00:53:23,403
* GIMME THAT POWER WASH, GIMME

1334
00:53:23,403 --> 00:53:26,106
THAT POWER *

1335
00:53:26,106 --> 00:53:27,240
* GIMME THOSE DIRTY CLOTHES I'LL

1336
00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:30,477
MAKE IT LOUDER *

1337
00:53:30,477 --> 00:53:31,544
* GIMME THAT POWER WASH GO FOR

1338
00:53:31,544 --> 00:53:33,146
AN HOUR *

1339
00:53:33,146 --> 00:53:34,814
* THEY WON'T GET DIRTIER UNLESS

1340
00:53:34,814 --> 00:53:37,550
THEY DO *

1341
00:53:37,550 --> 00:53:40,787
>> SOLD!

1342
00:53:40,787 --> 00:53:41,821
>> WHAT?

1343
00:53:41,821 --> 00:53:48,461
THEY JUST SAID THE CLOTHES MIGHT

1344
00:53:48,461 --> 00:53:48,862
GET DIRTIER.

1345
00:53:49,095 --> 00:53:50,397
>> BABE, LET'S DO A PROS

1346
00:53:50,397 --> 00:53:50,830
AND CONS LIST.

1347
00:53:51,097 --> 00:53:51,531
PROS, THE SONGS ARE DYNAMITE,

1348
00:53:51,731 --> 00:53:53,099
I'M ATTRACTED TO THE MACHINES.

1349
00:53:53,099 --> 00:53:54,200
>> YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ABOUT THE

1350
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,936
PERMANENT PRESS SETTING.

1351
00:53:56,936 --> 00:54:03,843
>> WELL, WELL, WELL, YOU WANT TO

1352
00:54:03,843 --> 00:54:06,346
KNOW ABOUT PERM NEPT

1353
00:54:06,346 --> 00:54:06,813
PERMANENT PRESS?

1354
00:54:07,047 --> 00:54:07,480
>> YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT

1355
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:08,548
PLACE.

1356
00:54:08,548 --> 00:54:11,251
>> LET'S TAKE YOU FOR A SPIN.

1357
00:54:11,251 --> 00:54:18,858
* PERMANENT PRESS *

1358
00:54:18,858 --> 00:54:20,060
* PERMANENT -- PRESS PERMANENT

1359
00:54:20,060 --> 00:54:21,061
PRESS *

1360
00:54:21,061 --> 00:54:26,466
* PERMANENT PRESS OH --

1361
00:54:26,466 --> 00:54:28,635
PERMANENT -- PRESS *

1362
00:54:28,635 --> 00:54:29,703
* PERMANENT PRESS PERMANENT

1363
00:54:29,703 --> 00:54:32,405
PRESS *

1364
00:54:32,405 --> 00:54:35,709
* WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS

1365
00:54:35,709 --> 00:54:43,283
YEAH *

1366
00:54:43,283 --> 00:54:44,951
>> WE WILL TAKE THEM BOTH.

1367
00:54:44,951 --> 00:54:47,654
>> SOLD!

1368
00:54:47,654 --> 00:54:52,759
**

1369
00:55:09,109 --> 00:55:11,077
God. Don't you
just love it when it's someone's

1370
00:55:11,077 --> 00:55:12,145
birthday in the office?

1371
00:55:12,145 --> 00:55:14,047
It makes a regular day
feel special.

1372
00:55:14,047 --> 00:55:15,782
Every day special
when I'm working with my.

1373
00:55:15,782 --> 00:55:17,117
Crush, Liz.

1374
00:55:17,117 --> 00:55:19,519
You know,
I'm married to a model.

1375
00:55:19,519 --> 00:55:20,653
Okay. She's coming.

1376
00:55:20,653 --> 00:55:22,122
Everybody hide!

1377
00:55:22,122 --> 00:55:25,125
It's the voice.

1378
00:55:28,895 --> 00:55:31,898
Have.

1379
00:55:35,635 --> 00:56:02,729
Oh! Oh! Oh!

1380
00:56:02,729 --> 00:56:05,265
Happy.

1381
00:56:05,265 --> 00:56:07,767
Jesus Christ.

1382
00:56:07,767 --> 00:56:09,035
I'm. I'm sorry.

1383
00:56:09,035 --> 00:56:12,572
Laura, we just wanted to do
something for your birthday.

1384
00:56:12,572 --> 00:56:13,907
Oh, you sure did.

1385
00:56:13,907 --> 00:56:16,810
I'm feeling
pretty special right now.

1386
00:56:16,810 --> 00:56:19,245
Sorry. We thought you'd like it.

1387
00:56:19,245 --> 00:56:20,580
You thought I was like,
what were you,

1388
00:56:20,580 --> 00:56:22,248
a dark room thinking
I'm being attacked.

1389
00:56:22,248 --> 00:56:24,718
I almost passed. Out.

1390
00:56:24,718 --> 00:56:28,722
I think you just got scared
and farted a little.

1391
00:56:28,722 --> 00:56:29,756
Okay.

1392
00:56:29,756 --> 00:56:32,892
Can we just work?
God. Yeah, sure.

1393
00:56:32,926 --> 00:56:35,428
Let's, let's start the meeting.
I think that's a great idea.

1394
00:56:40,767 --> 00:56:43,603
I mean,
it's just what you guys wanted,

1395
00:56:43,603 --> 00:56:47,073
To see me lose
full control of my body.

1396
00:56:47,073 --> 00:56:48,141
Laura, seriously.

1397
00:56:48,141 --> 00:56:50,410
We're sorry.

1398
00:56:50,410 --> 00:56:51,911
You know what?

1399
00:56:51,911 --> 00:56:54,647
I think I'm just going to open
my presents alone in my office,

1400
00:56:54,647 --> 00:56:58,284
if that's okay. Oh,

1401
00:56:58,284 --> 00:57:00,487
I don't know that
we have more presents.

1402
00:57:00,487 --> 00:57:01,855
More presents.

1403
00:57:01,855 --> 00:57:04,257
That was my present.

1404
00:57:04,257 --> 00:57:05,392
I mean, where do you guys

1405
00:57:05,392 --> 00:57:08,194
even get an idea
for something like this?

1406
00:57:08,194 --> 00:57:10,330
I mean, it's
actually a pretty common thing.

1407
00:57:10,330 --> 00:57:12,265
Most people laugh.

1408
00:57:12,265 --> 00:57:14,300
Well, I laugh to guess.

1409
00:57:14,300 --> 00:57:17,237
Just not out of my butt.

1410
00:57:17,237 --> 00:57:20,040
I mean, I laugh too, I guess.

1411
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:23,043
Just not out of my mouth.

1412
00:57:28,348 --> 00:57:29,416
Who do I send the thank.

1413
00:57:29,416 --> 00:57:32,285
You note to everyone
or you're sorry?

1414
00:57:32,285 --> 00:57:33,553
Most people like it.

1415
00:57:33,553 --> 00:57:36,089
Okay, let's
just put it behind us.

1416
00:57:36,089 --> 00:57:37,390
I won't put it behind us.

1417
00:57:37,390 --> 00:57:38,491
No. You know what?

1418
00:57:38,558 --> 00:57:40,960
Since everyone likes it so much,
let's see what Jen thinks.

1419
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:44,064
Jen? Jen,
can you come in here, please?

1420
00:57:44,064 --> 00:57:44,931
Surprise!

1421
00:57:50,203 --> 00:57:54,607
Oh. Oh!

1422
00:57:54,607 --> 00:58:00,880
Oh! Oh!

1423
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:03,383
See? Yeah.

1424
00:58:03,383 --> 00:58:06,152
I think that was you again.
Okay.

1425
00:58:06,152 --> 00:58:07,387
Go go go.

1426
00:58:07,387 --> 00:58:07,821
Just go.

1427
00:58:07,821 --> 00:58:09,756
You know what?

1428
00:58:09,756 --> 00:58:12,092
Can I just know whose idea
this was?

1429
00:58:12,092 --> 00:58:14,494
So I can sleep tonight?

1430
00:58:14,494 --> 00:58:17,030
It was mine. Yeah, I knew it.

1431
00:58:17,030 --> 00:58:18,431
You've been out for me
since the beginning,

1432
00:58:18,431 --> 00:58:20,266
so I started a week ago.

1433
00:58:20,266 --> 00:58:23,903
You want my job,
and you've made that very clear.

1434
00:58:23,903 --> 00:58:26,172
I think I'm above you. You are?

1435
00:58:26,172 --> 00:58:27,941
I think so. Is that true?

1436
00:58:27,941 --> 00:58:29,476
Is it real?

1437
00:58:29,476 --> 00:58:31,311
Yeah. I mean,
I think we all are. What?

1438
00:58:31,311 --> 00:58:33,046
Since when?

1439
00:58:33,046 --> 00:58:35,615
Over time, I guess
we all just got promoted.

1440
00:58:35,615 --> 00:58:36,249
What?

1441
00:58:36,249 --> 00:58:37,817
But I'm I was right.

1442
00:58:37,817 --> 00:58:40,620
I was right into the
sea. The CEO.

1443
00:58:40,620 --> 00:58:43,123
Why would you think that?

1444
00:58:43,123 --> 00:58:44,057
I'm the CEO.

1445
00:58:44,057 --> 00:58:46,893
So it says on the mug
you guys gave me.

1446
00:58:46,893 --> 00:58:50,663
It stands for Chief
Snack Officer.

1447
00:58:50,663 --> 00:58:55,669
It was a joke because you're
addicted to veggie straws. Oh.

1448
00:58:55,669 --> 00:58:57,070
So how much you guys make?

1449
00:58:57,070 --> 00:59:00,306
We're not doing that.

1450
00:59:00,306 --> 00:59:01,007
How much you make?

1451
00:59:01,007 --> 00:59:03,910
Come on. I'm not saying.

1452
00:59:03,910 --> 00:59:06,046
Hey, how much do you make
over there? You.

1453
00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:07,080
How much do you make?

1454
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,715
You need to stop.

1455
00:59:08,715 --> 00:59:11,251
Okay, fine.
Everyone just raise your hand.

1456
00:59:11,251 --> 00:59:14,254
If you make more than 950
an hour.

1457
00:59:17,223 --> 00:59:19,392
You're not even salaried salary.

1458
00:59:19,392 --> 00:59:21,461
What does that mean?
What is a salary?

1459
00:59:21,461 --> 00:59:23,096
You don't know what a salary is.

1460
00:59:23,096 --> 00:59:26,833
And you thought you were
an executive.

1461
00:59:26,833 --> 00:59:29,869
Oh, my God,
I just bought a second house.

1462
00:59:29,869 --> 00:59:33,473
Oh. Oh, am
I still on the fire, people?

1463
00:59:33,473 --> 00:59:34,774
You were never allowed.

1464
00:59:34,774 --> 00:59:37,477
To fire people. Cool.

1465
00:59:37,477 --> 00:59:38,611
Great birthday.

1466
00:59:38,611 --> 00:59:44,651
Everybody farted
and got demoted.

1467
00:59:44,651 --> 00:59:45,552
You weren't demoted.

1468
00:59:45,552 --> 00:59:49,155
You just learned
what your job is.

1469
00:59:49,155 --> 00:59:50,824
Great.

1470
00:59:50,824 --> 00:59:57,397
Then I just farted.

1471
00:59:57,397 --> 00:59:58,965
I have to go.

1472
00:59:58,965 --> 01:00:02,369
Wait, Laura, it's your birthday.

1473
01:00:02,369 --> 01:00:03,870
You deserve a real gift.

1474
01:00:03,870 --> 01:00:06,106
I mean, is there anything
we could do to make you happy?

1475
01:00:06,106 --> 01:00:09,109
To make up for all this?
Anything?

1476
01:00:09,142 --> 01:00:12,012
Yeah. Whatever. Yeah.

1477
01:00:12,012 --> 01:00:15,281
Tell me how much you make.

1478
01:00:15,281 --> 01:00:16,082
Fine.

1479
01:00:16,082 --> 01:00:21,521
180 K.

1480
01:00:21,521 --> 01:00:25,658
Plus benefits.

1481
01:00:25,658 --> 01:00:29,396
And stock options.

1482
01:00:29,396 --> 01:00:32,298
Stop giving her details.

1483
01:00:32,298 --> 01:00:35,869
And, Laura, maybe I can talk to
HR about getting you

1484
01:00:35,869 --> 01:00:39,339
a promotion to.

1485
01:00:39,339 --> 01:00:43,043
Okay, we have
got to get out of this room.

1486
01:00:43,043 --> 01:00:45,745
Okay, who's ready for cake?

1487
01:00:45,745 --> 01:00:48,281
Oh, no.

1488
01:00:48,281 --> 01:00:50,250
What? Oh.

1489
01:00:50,250 --> 01:00:52,419
Guess we thought the office
was going to blow up

1490
01:00:52,419 --> 01:00:56,523
because of Laura's embarrassing.

1491
01:00:56,523 --> 01:00:57,557
Party city.

1492
01:00:57,557 --> 01:00:58,758
Just get balloons.

1493
01:01:08,468 --> 01:01:11,638
>>> ONCE AGAIN, SABRINA

1494
01:01:11,638 --> 01:01:15,975
CARPENTER.

1495
01:01:15,975 --> 01:01:26,820
**

1496
01:01:26,820 --> 01:01:28,488
* HI I HOPE YOU'RE GREAT

1497
01:01:28,488 --> 01:01:29,622
I THINK IT'S TIME

1498
01:01:29,622 --> 01:01:35,562
WE TOOK A BREAK *

1499
01:01:35,562 --> 01:01:38,832
* SO I CAN GROW EMOTIONALLY

1500
01:01:38,832 --> 01:01:45,338
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO ME *

1501
01:01:45,338 --> 01:01:46,406
* HERE WE GO AGAIN

1502
01:01:46,406 --> 01:01:49,142
CRYING IN BED

1503
01:01:49,142 --> 01:01:50,777
WHAT A FAMILIAR FEELING *

1504
01:01:50,777 --> 01:01:52,979
* ALL MY FRIENDS IN LOVE

1505
01:01:52,979 --> 01:01:54,581
AND I'M THE ONE THEY CALL

1506
01:01:54,581 --> 01:01:56,750
FOR A THIRD WHEELING *

1507
01:01:56,750 --> 01:01:58,385
* PROBABLY SHOULD

1508
01:01:58,385 --> 01:01:59,486
HAVE GUESSED

1509
01:01:59,486 --> 01:02:00,553
HE'S LIKE THE REST

1510
01:02:00,553 --> 01:02:02,188
SO FINE AND SO DECEIVING *

1511
01:02:02,188 --> 01:02:04,357
* THERE'S NOBODY'S SON

1512
01:02:04,357 --> 01:02:07,093
NOT ANYONE LEFT FOR ME

1513
01:02:07,093 --> 01:02:12,499
TO BELIEVE IN *

1514
01:02:12,499 --> 01:02:23,376
**

1515
01:02:23,376 --> 01:02:26,680
* ME, NO YEAH I'M GOOD

1516
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:29,382
JUST THOUGHT THAT

1517
01:02:29,382 --> 01:02:32,085
HE EVENTUALLY

1518
01:02:32,085 --> 01:02:35,889
WOULD CAVE IN, REACH OUT *

1519
01:02:35,889 --> 01:02:38,091
* BUT NO SIREE

1520
01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:41,828
HE DISCOVERED SELF-CONTROL

1521
01:02:41,828 --> 01:02:45,098
HE DISCOVERED IT THIS WEEK

1522
01:02:45,098 --> 01:02:45,665
THIS WEEK, OH AH *

1523
01:02:45,665 --> 01:02:46,733
* HERE WE GO AGAIN

1524
01:02:46,733 --> 01:02:48,368
CRYING IN BED

1525
01:02:48,368 --> 01:02:50,537
WHAT A FAMILIAR FEELING *

1526
01:02:50,537 --> 01:02:52,205
* ALL MY FRIENDS IN LOVE

1527
01:02:52,205 --> 01:02:53,840
AND I'M THE ONE THEY CALL

1528
01:02:53,840 --> 01:02:55,442
FOR A THIRD WHEELING *

1529
01:02:55,442 --> 01:02:56,509
* PROBABLY SHOULD

1530
01:02:56,509 --> 01:02:58,144
HAVE GUESSED

1531
01:02:58,144 --> 01:02:59,779
HE'S LIKE THE REST

1532
01:02:59,779 --> 01:03:01,948
SO FINE AND SO DECEIVING *

1533
01:03:01,948 --> 01:03:03,583
* THERE'S NOBODY'S SON

1534
01:03:03,583 --> 01:03:06,286
NOT ANYONE LEFT FOR ME

1535
01:03:06,286 --> 01:03:09,055
TO BELIEVE IN

1536
01:03:09,055 --> 01:03:22,602
BELIEVE IN, OH WHOA WHOA *

1537
01:03:22,602 --> 01:03:24,771
* THAT BOY IS CORRUPT AH

1538
01:03:24,771 --> 01:03:25,805
COULD YOU RAISE HIM

1539
01:03:25,805 --> 01:03:29,109
TO LOVE ME MAYBE *

1540
01:03:29,109 --> 01:03:30,744
* HE SURE EFFED ME UP AH-AH

1541
01:03:30,744 --> 01:03:31,811
AND YES I'M TALKING 'BOUT

1542
01:03:31,811 --> 01:03:34,514
YOUR BABY *

1543
01:03:34,514 --> 01:03:36,182
* THAT BOY IS CORRUPT AH

1544
01:03:36,182 --> 01:03:38,351
GET PTSD ON THE DAILY *

1545
01:03:38,351 --> 01:03:39,986
* HE SURE EFFED ME UP AH-AH

1546
01:03:39,986 --> 01:03:41,588
AND YES I'M TALKING 'BOUT

1547
01:03:41,588 --> 01:03:43,757
YOUR BABY *

1548
01:03:43,757 --> 01:03:45,392
* HERE WE GO AGAIN

1549
01:03:45,392 --> 01:03:47,594
CRYING IN BED

1550
01:03:47,594 --> 01:03:49,796
WHAT A FAMILIAR FEELING *

1551
01:03:49,796 --> 01:03:51,398
* ALL MY FRIENDS IN LOVE

1552
01:03:51,398 --> 01:03:57,404
AND I'M THE ONE THEY CALL

1553
01:03:57,404 --> 01:03:58,471
* PROBABLY SHOULD

1554
01:03:58,471 --> 01:03:59,539
HAVE GUESSED

1555
01:03:59,539 --> 01:04:00,640
HE'S LIKE THE REST

1556
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:01,741
SO FINE AND SO DECEIVING *

1557
01:04:01,741 --> 01:04:02,842
* THERE'S NOBODY'S SON

1558
01:04:02,842 --> 01:04:06,079
NOT ANYONE LEFT FOR ME

1559
01:04:06,079 --> 01:04:11,718
TO BELIEVE IN *

1560
01:04:11,718 --> 01:04:15,188
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

1561
01:04:22,395 --> 01:04:26,066
**

1562
01:04:26,066 --> 01:04:27,133
>>> NOW, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

1563
01:04:27,133 --> 01:04:28,234
BUT GROWING UP I WAS ALWAYS TOLD

1564
01:04:28,234 --> 01:04:29,869
TO NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS

1565
01:04:29,869 --> 01:04:32,072
COVER.

1566
01:04:32,072 --> 01:04:33,139
BUT WHEN I WATCHED THE NEWS, I

1567
01:04:33,139 --> 01:04:34,240
FEEL LIKE NOBODY ELSE REMEMBERS

1568
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:42,148
THAT LESSON.

1569
01:04:42,148 --> 01:04:44,751
>> LABUBU?

1570
01:04:44,751 --> 01:04:45,185
>> NO TEETH.

1571
01:04:45,452 --> 01:04:47,654
>> YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT TEETH.

1572
01:04:47,654 --> 01:04:50,590
>> SO I WANTED TO PUT THAT TO

1573
01:04:50,590 --> 01:04:51,524
THE TEST TONIGHT WITH A LITTLE

1574
01:04:51,524 --> 01:04:52,492
SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.

1575
01:04:52,492 --> 01:04:53,093
I FILLED A THEATER WITH

1576
01:04:53,193 --> 01:04:54,094
PROFESSIONAL ACTORS DRESSED TO

1577
01:04:54,094 --> 01:04:54,828
LOOK STEREOTYPICALLY DANGEROUS

1578
01:04:54,828 --> 01:04:55,729
OR SCARY.

1579
01:04:55,729 --> 01:04:56,796
NOT THE TYPE ONE MIGHT EXPECT TO

1580
01:04:56,796 --> 01:04:58,465
ENCOUNTER IN AN UPSCALE

1581
01:04:58,465 --> 01:04:59,532
NEIGHBORHOOD.

1582
01:04:59,532 --> 01:05:00,266
I WANTED TO SEE IF PEOPLE WOULD

1583
01:05:00,266 --> 01:05:02,202
JUDGE THEM BASED ON THEIR

1584
01:05:02,202 --> 01:05:03,303
APPEARANCE.

1585
01:05:03,303 --> 01:05:03,937
AND WHAT I FOUND FRANKLY

1586
01:05:03,937 --> 01:05:05,038
DISAPPOINTED ME.

1587
01:05:05,038 --> 01:05:06,039
OKAY.

1588
01:05:06,039 --> 01:05:07,674
FIRST GUY IS GOING IN.

1589
01:05:07,674 --> 01:05:27,193
**

1590
01:05:27,193 --> 01:05:28,261
BUT IT WASN'T JUST HIM, EVERYONE

1591
01:05:28,261 --> 01:05:29,929
WAS JUDGING MY ACTORS BASED ON

1592
01:05:29,929 --> 01:05:35,368
THEIR APPEARANCES.

1593
01:05:35,368 --> 01:05:36,403
EVEN THIS LADY, WHO I THOUGHT

1594
01:05:36,403 --> 01:05:38,104
WOULD BE WOKE BECAUSE OF THE

1595
01:05:38,104 --> 01:05:40,774
HAIRCUT.

1596
01:05:40,774 --> 01:05:41,875
MISS, MISS, WHY DID YOU LEAVE

1597
01:05:41,875 --> 01:05:43,476
THAT MOVIE THEATER?

1598
01:05:43,476 --> 01:05:44,577
>> BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS DRESSED

1599
01:05:44,577 --> 01:05:46,212
AS FRANKENSTEIN, AND THE MOVIE I

1600
01:05:46,212 --> 01:05:47,280
WANTED TO SEE DOES NOT HAVE

1601
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:50,784
FRANKENSTEIN IN IT.

1602
01:05:50,784 --> 01:05:52,585
>> WOW, SO YOU ASSUMED THEY WERE

1603
01:05:52,585 --> 01:05:53,820
THERE TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT

1604
01:05:53,820 --> 01:05:54,854
FRANKENSTEIN JUST BECAUSE OF THE

1605
01:05:54,854 --> 01:05:55,889
COLOR OF THEIR SKIN?

1606
01:05:55,889 --> 01:05:56,623
>> THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN WAS

1607
01:05:56,623 --> 01:05:59,726
GREEN.

1608
01:05:59,726 --> 01:06:02,028
>> SHE JUST SAID THE QUIET PART

1609
01:06:02,028 --> 01:06:03,763
OUT LOUD.

1610
01:06:03,763 --> 01:06:05,398
IF YOU WALKED INTO THE THEATER

1611
01:06:05,398 --> 01:06:08,368
TO SEE THE FANTASTIC 4 AND THE

1612
01:06:08,368 --> 01:06:11,037
WHOLE AUDIENCE WAS ASIAN, WHAT

1613
01:06:11,037 --> 01:06:11,571
WOULD YOU ASSUME THEN?

1614
01:06:11,571 --> 01:06:12,205
>> WHAT WOULD YOU ASSUME?

1615
01:06:12,205 --> 01:06:14,841
>> UM.

1616
01:06:14,841 --> 01:06:15,909
>> SLIGHTLY PROBLEMATIC.

1617
01:06:15,909 --> 01:06:17,043
>> EVERYONE WAS FAILING MY TEST

1618
01:06:17,043 --> 01:06:18,645
AND BEFORE LONG MY FRANKENSTEINS

1619
01:06:18,645 --> 01:06:19,713
WERE STARTING TO LOSE FAITH.

1620
01:06:19,713 --> 01:06:20,780
EVEN MY OWN GIRLFRIEND FAILED

1621
01:06:20,780 --> 01:06:21,881
WHEN I PERFORMED THE SAME

1622
01:06:21,881 --> 01:06:25,151
EXPERIMENT IN HER APARTMENT.

1623
01:06:25,151 --> 01:06:29,522
>> WE BROKE UP THREE MONTHS AGO.

1624
01:06:29,522 --> 01:06:30,623
>> AND AS MY EXPERIMENT EVOLVED,

1625
01:06:30,623 --> 01:06:31,658
I FOUND THAT PEOPLE JUDGED

1626
01:06:31,658 --> 01:06:33,326
ANYONE WHO LOOKED DIFFERENTLY.

1627
01:06:33,326 --> 01:06:37,630
EVEN A FRIENDLY FACE.

1628
01:06:37,630 --> 01:06:39,833
I HAD REACHED A LOW POINT.

1629
01:06:39,833 --> 01:06:41,434
ALSO THAT FRANKENSTEIN I THOUGHT

1630
01:06:41,434 --> 01:06:45,972
FELL ASLEEP ACTUALLY HAD DIED.

1631
01:06:45,972 --> 01:06:47,440
BUT THEN, FINALLY, ONE MAN

1632
01:06:47,440 --> 01:06:47,841
WALKED INTO

1633
01:06:48,108 --> 01:06:49,576
THAT THEATER WITHOUT JUDGMENT.

1634
01:06:49,576 --> 01:06:53,380
>> HEY, WHAT'S UP.

1635
01:06:53,380 --> 01:06:55,081
HUNGRY?

1636
01:06:55,081 --> 01:06:56,616
>> THIS MAN HAD NO REACTION AT

1637
01:06:56,616 --> 01:06:58,218
ALL TO BEING IN A THEATER FULL

1638
01:06:58,218 --> 01:06:59,886
OF FRANKENSTEINS, NOT BEFORE,

1639
01:06:59,886 --> 01:07:02,689
DURING OR AFTER THE MOVIE.

1640
01:07:02,689 --> 01:07:03,690
>> REALLY?

1641
01:07:03,690 --> 01:07:05,358
>> I HAD TO TALK TO HIM.

1642
01:07:05,358 --> 01:07:07,494
EXCUSE ME, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUDGE

1643
01:07:07,494 --> 01:07:09,029
THE FRANKENSTEINS.

1644
01:07:09,029 --> 01:07:10,096
>> WHO IS FRANKENSTEIN?

1645
01:07:10,096 --> 01:07:12,298
>> YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

1646
01:07:12,298 --> 01:07:13,133
FRANKENSTEIN?

1647
01:07:13,133 --> 01:07:14,868
>> I KNOW A TOM FRANKENBURG.

1648
01:07:14,868 --> 01:07:17,671
>> MARY SHELLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN?

1649
01:07:17,671 --> 01:07:20,040
>> I LOVE MARY SHELLEY.

1650
01:07:20,040 --> 01:07:22,575
>> I TOOK GOTHIC LITERATURE.

1651
01:07:22,575 --> 01:07:24,277
>> AND YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF

1652
01:07:24,277 --> 01:07:25,211
FRANKENSTEIN?

1653
01:07:25,211 --> 01:07:26,379
>> DOESN'T RING A BELL.

1654
01:07:26,379 --> 01:07:27,580
>> EVERYONE WAS GREEN.

1655
01:07:27,580 --> 01:07:29,282
>> LIKE SHREK.

1656
01:07:29,282 --> 01:07:30,483
>> FRANKENSTEIN.

1657
01:07:30,483 --> 01:07:31,584
TOM FRANKENBURG.

1658
01:07:31,584 --> 01:07:32,886
>> YOU ALREADY TOLD ME ABOUT TOM

1659
01:07:32,886 --> 01:07:34,287
FRANKENBURG.

1660
01:07:34,287 --> 01:07:35,855
I HAD NEVER BEEN SO CONFUSED BUT

1661
01:07:35,855 --> 01:07:37,824
LATER REFLECTING ON THE MEANING

1662
01:07:37,824 --> 01:07:40,527
OF LIFE,

1663
01:07:40,527 --> 01:07:42,829
I REALIZED THE ONLY WAY TO TRULY

1664
01:07:42,829 --> 01:07:44,364
RID THE WORLD OF JUDGMENT WAS

1665
01:07:44,364 --> 01:07:46,332
THROUGH THE POWER OF SONG.

1666
01:07:46,332 --> 01:07:49,069
* WE ARE FRANKENSTEINS NO NEED

1667
01:07:49,069 --> 01:07:52,772
TO JUDGE US *

1668
01:07:52,772 --> 01:07:54,441
* WE ARE THE ONES MADE OUT OF

1669
01:07:54,441 --> 01:07:56,576
DEAD PEOPLE AND *

1670
01:07:56,576 --> 01:07:58,945
* CAME TO LIFE *

1671
01:08:12,359 --> 01:08:14,194
>>> AND THAT'S OUR SHOW.

1672
01:08:14,194 --> 01:08:16,029
THANK YOU EVERYBODY, THANKS SO

1673
01:08:16,029 --> 01:08:18,164
MUCH TO LORNE, TO THE AMAZING

1674
01:08:18,164 --> 01:08:20,100
CAST AND CREW.

1675
01:08:20,100 --> 01:08:22,802
THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF MY BIGGEST

1676
01:08:22,802 --> 01:08:23,136
DREAMS.

1677
01:08:23,236 --> 01:08:25,672
I'M SO GRATEFUL.

1678
01:08:25,672 --> 01:08:27,474
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME, THANK

1679
01:08:27,474 --> 01:08:30,777
YOU FOR LAUGHING AND BEING AN

1680
01:08:30,777 --> 01:08:31,277
AMAZING AUDIENCE.

1681
01:08:31,444 --> 01:08:32,045
I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT NIGHT

1682
01:08:32,045 --> 01:08:35,682
TONIGHT.